Thoughts of a lesbian

My thoughts on... Derren Brown

2011-01-08T23:23:00.002Z

I don't care what anybody says, Derren Brown is amazing!

It's obvious he can read minds and manipulate thoughts and behaviours, so this staged stunts (to someone like me with a brain) are pretty easy to figure out.

But his one off stunts, like the lottery thing, the airplane stunt, and the one I just watched about the heist, etc, even though it's mind control, are just totally amazing and stunning. What the man can do with someone's mind is bloody scary. I think my brain is far too clever to be able to be manipulated by him, but for those who can be manipulated by people like Derren, I think you're bloody lucky.

Derren is a genius of our age, a bloody marvel, and anyone who thinks otherwise doesn't have a bloody clue what you're talking about, he's a genius!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derren_Brown

Why are people so fickle?

2010-05-24T18:09:00.001+01:00

It astounds me how fickle the public are! One minute they like someone, a celebrity for instance, and the next they don't, or one minute they don't like them, then they do! People seem to change their opinions about people so bloody quickly these days, it really surprises me, and makes me laugh!

For instance, Michael Jackson!

People loved him in the 80s, then hated him in the 90s when the first Paedophilia thing came out the first time around. Then he paid them off out of court, reinvented himself, and people loved him again. Then in the 00s they hated him again, when the second Paedophilia thing came out. Then he was found not-guilty, and then he died, and everyone loved him again!

Jade Goody!

Everyone hated her when she was in Big Brother in the early 00s. Then they loved her after BB and she started earning a shit load of money, got married, had kids, etc. Then they hated her again when she went on Celebrity Big Brother and was racist to Shilpa Shetty on the show, and bullied her. Then she went to India to try and make things right on their Big Brother show, trying to rebuild relations. Then she got cancer, and she died! Then everyone loved her again!

My third example is Katie Price aka Jordan!

Everyone liked her when she first it the screens, and as her life has evolved, she's been liked one minute and hated the next. When her son Harvey was born with septo-optic dysplasia, everyone felt sorry for her and loved her again, but then when she married Peter Andre and we saw on one of her TV shows how she treated him and what a bitch she was towards him, everyone hated her again. Then when they split and divorced, everyone hated her more. Then she met and married Alex Reid, and people warmed to him on Celebrity Big Brother, people started liking her again, but now she's hated again because of the stories we hear of how she controls Alex and his life etc.

It just goes on. You love them, you hate them, you love them again, then you hate them again. It never ends!
This is what I mean about the public being so fickle. Drives me mad! Why can't people just make up their mind and stick with it?

I love Michael Jackson's music, but don't like him!
I have never liked, nor ever will like Jade Goody!
I have never like, nor ever will like Jordan!

At least I know how I feel about certain people, and my opinions have never changed no matter what's happening in their life! Can others say the same thing? I doubt it!

My Thoughts On... Caster Semenya

2009-08-25T23:56:00.004+01:00

I learned today, about a young lady, who, quite fair and squarely, won the 800 Metre race at the World Athletics Championships the other day, winning gold for her Country, South Africa, and then for the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) board to question her gender, because she looks manly, and has a high male hormone count.

I have to say, I am furious by this!

Just because she looks manly, is no reason to suddenly question her winning gold!

She would have had to go through trials to get to the Championships, and would have gone through a number of tests and medicals, and nothing was mentioned prior to her winning the race. Yet as soon as she wins, then all of a sudden the suspicians come flying out of the woodwork!

I bet you if she hadn't have won, none of this would have come up!

I think they're just jealous, cause she stormed the race, and beat the other athletes by a good 2 seconds.

So what if she looks bloody manly! How many women out there, athletes, look manly, yet never get questioned?

Yes she has a high male hormone count, but there could be a genuine medical reason for that.

It could also be, that maybe she has both sets of genitals, male and female, commonly known as an Hermaphrodite.

Or she may not have been born with no genitals whatsoever, known as Intersexual.

Whatever the reason for it, I truly hope that she has at least 51% female hormones, so she can stick her finger up at those genderphobic bastards on the board and say 'yes, i'm a woman, and I won the race fair and square, now leave me the fuck alone!'

For the full story, click HERE

Michael Jackson - Nature or Nurture?

2009-06-26T00:48:00.002+01:00

I found out tonight, along with the rest of the world, that Michael Jackson died a few hours ago, aged 50.

It's such a shock to us all. He was such a talented man, a genius, the King of Pop!

Personally, I loved his act from the 80s. His songs, his music, his talent, from those earlier albums.
There will always be questions over the children, over the Paedophile claims, the court cases, etc, and personally, I do believe that he was a Paedo, and for that, I HATE him!

I hate Michael Jackson the Paedo, but I loved the artist Michael Jackson, from the 80s, who wrote and performed those amazing tracks from that period, such as Smooth Criminal, Billy Jean, Thriller, Bad, Leave Me Alone, and You Are Not Alone (which was a 90s track if I remember correctly, but you get my drift), etc.

What bothers me, and sorry for being cynical here, but i'm sure i'm not alone when I say this...

The guy was in debt, heaps of debt! Had the recession hit him harder because he's so broke anyway?

The guy was constantly being accused (whether rightly or not) of being a Paedo.

Was someone else about to accuse him? Would that have taken him under?

Was he able to afford the concerts at Wembley that were planned?

Even if they sold out, would that have gotten him out of debt?

Did he have the stamina to do all those concerts?

This begs the question, to me anyway, did he overdose, kill himself, which caused him to seemingly have a heart attack, or was it natural?

Was his heart attack natural, or nurtured by him?

And finally, has he faked his own death, by using one of his numerous doubles, and gone into hiding, because of all his debts, ready to have very private plastic surgery again to completely change his face, before entering the world once more as a different person?

A bit far fetched, but you never know!! It's amazing what money can buy these days! And it's a great way to still be able to live a great life, no doubt with money in a private bank account abroad, leaving his kids with plenty to live on, and still being able to live a full, private, complete life, under cover of another identity, debt free, and reasonably happy.

Just a thought!

If he has indeed died though, of natural causes, it's very sad.

If he topped himself, he lacks in courage, and he is pathetic!

Perceptions

2009-05-19T00:24:00.002+01:00

Went to the Confidence Building Course at college again today. Day 4. We covered perceptions, and first impressions, and we learned the obvious really, that we all see people in different lights.

For instance if you saw someone in the street, and you didn't know them, you'd probably make up your mind about them, before getting to know them. Like if you saw the world renouned Scientist Stephen Hawking driving his wheelchair down the street, you'd perceive him to be obviously disabled, but probably not very bright either, whereas he is an incredibly intelligent person with an extremely high IQ. Of course you'd only know this by talking to him, or reading about him.

This happens everyday. Someone could look at me and think i'm a butch lesbian, no surprises there of course, but they may (as some people do) perceive me to be a straight woman, or a stupid, lazy woman because I don't work, or someone not to mess with because i'm butch and big, whereas i'm really a pussycat, soft, and very hard working and intelligent, and they'd only get to know that about me when they get to know me in person, if they choose to.

Equally, by someone hearing negative rumours about me, and not getting to know me as a person, if they choose to believe what they hear, then they are obviously small minded, and do not have an open mind to think that what they may actually be hearing about me might not be true. Interesting ah?

Of course all these things people feel they already know, but sometimes they just need reminding!

Things are not always as you think they are! Have an open mind for once!

Never judge a book by its cover!

TWITTER

2009-04-29T17:52:00.002+01:00

As just requested, if you ever wanna reply to anything I write on Twitter, feel free here...

Jade Goody's Funeral

2009-04-04T20:29:00.000+01:00

I was in Toys R Us earlier today, and happened to walk past a tv set. My first thought was 'why are they showing Princess Diana's funeral on tv again?'. Then I realised it wasn't a repeat, it was a copy! It was Jade Goody's funeral.

Not being funny, but that the fuck? Was she as big as lady Di? Was she as loved as Lady Di? No! Then why did she have a funeral parade reminiscent of Lady Di? I was totally shocked, and disgusted. I walked away!

Look, i'm sorry she had cancer, and i'm sorry she's dead, but ffs, what the fuck? There have been far more people out there, who have been in the public eye, and loved so much more by the public than Jade Goody, so why the fuck did she have to be so extravagent with her funeral?

Why did she choose to do that? Totally over the top! I'm still in disbelief! Could the woman ever do ANYTHING privately?

She went on Big Brother, she got into the public eye, stripped on the show, was loud and obnoxious, then later carried on being loud and obnoxious outside the show, living her life publically, then abusing Shilpa on Celeb Big Brother causing her more hatred, then losing all her remaining popularity, then going to India to go on their Big Brother, to try to resolve that problem, then being diagnosed with cancer.

She was annoying, then hated, then even more hated, then sympathised with, then, for some reason, loved again! Why? I just don't get it! I think it's all a joke, I really do!!!

End of rant!

Wendy Richard

2009-03-19T22:04:00.001Z

Tonight I sat down, after Eastenders, and watched the bio on Wendy Richard. She wanted to do this bio, about her fight to survive her cancer, etc, prior to her death, and had a crew documenting her last few weeks prior to her passing away.

I was fine during the programme, until it got to the end, and she passed away.
That was it, flood gates were opened, and it took a good 10 minutes of hysterical sobbing before I could stop. Even Bonny (my eldest cat) was looking at me from the sofa, wondering what the fuck was going on, while Polly slept on soundly by the pc monitor lol.

It's good to cry, but I have to say, I felt pretty low afterwards, and I don't know why. Strange ah?

I still feel really sad that she's gone. I guess part of my problem, is that she reminds me a lot of my mum, and although mum isn't dead, or thankfully (as far as I know) not suffering from cancer (that was dad earlier this year, and hopefully never again, thanks to the hospital, chemo and ops) I still associate Wendy with my mum, in her looks (mainly on EE, her dirty and pissed off looks lol) and her inner and character strength, and mannerisms (don't tell mum, she'd be highly insulted me thinks lol).

That's the 3rd time i've cried over the death of Wendy Richard to date. Twice on the day she passed away (once during the news, when I heard, and the second time during and after the docu that night on her life, after Eastenders) and now once today, after this second docu on her fight to survive.

God i'm such an old softee lol.

I am still saddened by her passing, and truly believe we have lost such a great lady, and actress.

Rest in peace Wendy, you're truly missed xxx

Jade Goody & John Suchet

2009-02-20T15:15:00.001Z

A few months ago, when I found out Jade Goody had cancer; I immediately, embarrassingly, thought it was a lie. I thought it was a publicity stunt, because she had gone onto the Indian version of Big Brother, to make amends for the way she treated Shilpa on our Big Brother the year before. All that drama when she found out, and her flying back etc, I honestly thought she was lying, and it was all one huge publicity stunt, for her to gain sympathy, after being seen as such a horrible bitch on TV for being racist.

Part of me also thought maybe she already knew this information prior to going into the house, and used the information to her advantage, again for public sympathy etc.

I am ashamed to admit all that, but it was honestly how I felt. I don't know why I see the worst in everyone. Maybe it's because I’ve been shat on so many times in my life, that I find it hard to believe there is good in anyone on this planet. Actually, I’d say that last comment was pretty damn accurate!

Needless to say, Jade is dying. It wasn't a lie, it was the truth, and the poor girl has days, maybe weeks to live. I feel so fucking guilty for thinking she was lying when she was told.

I do feel like shit now, for thinking any of this, and I feel so sorry for her, Jack, and her children. I can completely understand why she wants to do this docu, the photo shoot for the mag, and all the publicity, because not only is it helping other women to see how important it is to have the smear test, but it's also helping her raise money to give her children a healthy financially secure future.

I bow my head to Jade Goody now. I never liked her, and still don't, but for what she's doing, and for what she's achieved in her life, I think she's an amazing person, and I feel so sorry for her, because she's so young, and dying. My heart goes out to her and all her loved ones.

Equally, I also feel for John Suchet and his wife, Bonnie. Bonnie has Dementia, and is slowly dying, and after 3 years, John has stepped forward, and announced this to the world, to help him with the healing process, but also to help others to deal with this terrible illness.

I am so scared personally, that one of my parents, or indeed my Nan might one day come down with this terrible illness, it truly scares me to think that one day they might not know who I am, etc. I really have no idea how I would deal with that; I’d probably fall apart.

You have to be such a strong person to handle that, and it's quite obvious that if John hadn't had the NHS nurse helping him, and the support he's received from the counselling services, he wouldn't be as strong as he appears on TV. Thank God for charities, counselling services, support services, and nurses and medical staff for all they do, to help people like John, his wife, Jade, and her family, cope with these terrible illnesses and diseases that are ruining and destroying their lives.

My Thoughts On... Paul Burrell and his secret

2009-02-11T16:19:00.003Z

A few weeks ago, there was a television programme on Channel 4, entitled 'Paul Burrell - What Really Happened'. This programme brought forward certain questions regarding Paul Burrell, and The Royal Family.

As most people know, Paul Burrell was Princess Diana's butler.

At the inquest regarding Diana's death, it came to light by The Sun Newspaper, that Burrell knew more than he was letting on, but refused to say what it was that he knew.

Paul Burrell - Diana Inquest - The Sun News Story

He lied at the hearing, he held information back, but what was the information in relation to?
Was it about Diana's death? Was it secrets about The Royal Family?

I'm writing this entry, to pose these questions, and to collate my own thoughts on the subject, which, I have to say, after watching that documentary, has fascinated me.

First of all, I think it's blatantly clear that Burrell is gay! He refuses to admit this, God only knows why! When I saw him on 'I'm a celebrity' a few years ago, it was so obvious, but yet he still insistent he was straight!

During the programme, we were introduced to one of his ex partners, a guy called Greg Pead.

Greg had numerous love letters, which were written to him by Burrell, over their 3 year relationship, telling him how much Burrell loved him, and wanted to marry him, etc. These were shown on camera, in Burrell's handwriting. Yet still, Burrell states he's straight, and not only that, that he doesn't even know Greg.

During this relationship, an incident happened on the Royal Yacht Britannia, in March 1981, where there was a gay orgy, involving 11 men, and because of it, Burrell feared he would be sacked.

Why? Was he involved? Why else would he have feared being sacked if he wasn't involved in this gay orgy?

The Queen decided though, and reinstated him, saving him from being sacked. Why? He was just one of the crew, one of the staff, he wasn't even Diana's butler at this point, so why was he so important? What did he know? What did he have over The Queen, to persuade her, that only he, but not the rest of the men, should remain on her staff?

Then Burrell got married to a woman called Maria. Why? Is he bi? I doubt it. After the incident on the Britannia, maybe he decided to start up a relationship with a woman, to cover up his true sexuality?!

Yes, he had two boys by Maria, but then how many men have relationships with women, and kids, to hide their true sexuality? Too many! Is he really that ashamed of his sexuality? He seriously needs to just come out of the closet once and for all! He is a sorry excuse for a man, by hiding his truth. Does the guy ever tell the truth about anything?

Anyway, moving on...

So then he stole 342 items from Diana, after she passed away. Why? What was in that lot, that was so important to hold onto?

Then he went on trial, to fight against potentially being sent down for theft.

3 week's prior to the trial date, Burrell got an agent. Why? What was on his mind, that made him believe he'd get off, and need an agent to help him with his busy schedule once he had got off, ie television interviews, newspaper and magazine deals, book deals, etc?

What did he have, what did he know, that made him believe he'd get off?

Then suddenly, on the last day of the trial, The Queen suddenly remembers a conversation she had with Burrell a few years earlier, and turns up to state that he was given permission to take the goods, and he shouldn't be sent down.

What did he have on The Queen, and/or the Royal Family, that he could use to secure his safe passage away from prison?

It came about, that within the contents of the 342 items Burrell had taken, belonging to Diana, was a tape of a conversation Diana had had, with another long standing member of the Royal staff, a butler called George Smith.

George Smith claimed in 1989, that he was raped by a male member of the Royal Family. He never reported it, because he was scared of losing his job. He got so depressed by what had happened, that he ended up in the Priory Hospital.

Years later, Diana turned up at the hospital, and interviewed George, hence making the tape.
Diana apparently told Burrell about the tape.

Do dots start forming into patterns here?

1. Burrell is gay

2. Burrell was involved in the gay orgy incident on the Royal Yacht Britannia

3. Burrell knew who else was involved in that incident

4. The Queen knew that Burrell knew this information, so Burrell could use his knowledge to his advantage

5. The Queen let him keep his job, after the Britannia incident, for fear this information would be released by Burrell, causing shame and humiliation onto The Royal Family

6. When Burrell was up against the courts over the items taken from Diana's home, yet again The Queen stepped in at the last minute, and allowed him to go free

Is this all because Burrell has something HUGE on The Royal Family, ie that a male member of the Royal Family is gay, and he knows who it is, so the only way The Queen can be assured for certain that her family is safe from the humiliation of this information ever being released, is to keep Burrell safe and well, and financially secure, so that he doesn't ever feel the need to use this information? Ie blackmail against The Royal Family?

What other conclusions can be made from all this information?

Even if he doesn't have the tape, he still has the knowledge, but without the tape, his information could be excused as 'he said/she said' stuff. This is why the tape is vitally important to Burrell, because without it, he doesn't have much of a leg to stand on, especially after George Smith passes away.

And how many tapes are there? Has he copied it numerous times, and given it to numerous people, in a sort of 'if I should die, send this tape to so and so' security blanket? And how many people has he told his secret to?

Because of the Sun Newspaper story and evidence, relating to his secret, and not telling the court the whole truth, he had to leave England, and move to America.

Was this The Queen's doing? Get him out of the Country, pay him off, make him move to America, get him away from us?

Will we ever truly know this secret? Possibly not, but we'll always be guessing. Or maybe we already know, but like Burrell's sexuality, what we know may never actually be confirmed!

Scandal Engulfs The Royals - Really interesting news story about a lot of what i've talked about above!

My thoughts on... Life on other planets, and where did we come from?

2009-01-11T16:06:00.008Z

This entry is going to be quite off the wall, and probably laughed at by many, in some of the aspects of what it contains.

It's also following on from my posts entitled 'My thoughts on... The Bible', and 'I believe in' (section regarding UFO's added below)

Recently, there was a story on the news, about a suspected UFO hitting a wind turbine in Lincolnshire. I've attached the story here.

It brings forth the continuing arguement, is there life on other planets?

As stated in the 'I believe in' link above, I for one do believe that there is life on other planets. Here is my original entry from that link...

Area 51 - Life on other planets

How is it possible, that we, Earth, can sit in a Galaxy, surrounded by hundreds of thousands of other galaxies, and be the only planet out of millions that has life on it?

It's impossible!

Therefore, WE ARE NOT ALONE!

Have we had visitors? Have aliens visited our planet? Landed here? Of course they have!

Does Area 51 house secrets of these landings, and potentially alien life forms, crafts etc? Of course they do!

Are aliens living with us right now? Do they walk with us on this planet? Scary thought, but it could happen!

But to anyone who honestly believes we are alone, and that there cannot be life out there, you need your head examined!!!

Each of those dots is a Galaxy, and each Galaxy can house hundreds of planets and moons.

It's like looking at a green lawn and not expecting to see a single ant or creepy crawly. As if!

This moves into another theory, which I also believe in, in which we all came from another planet.

There have been theories for many years now, that we came from Mars, or some other such planet. And why not?

Who is to say, that we didn't originally live on Mars, and when Mars was being destroyed by our stupidity, already having sent probes to Earth, and discovering we could inhabit it, that we thought, stuff this, we've destroyed one planet, let's move to another one and start again?

It would account for the whole 'Adam & Eve' storyline, as people would have had to come over to start our race again.

Or....

Another planet sent various species to Earth, knowing from their own research how those species would grow and what they would evolve into etc, to start the evolution process, and have been watching over us for the last few billion years, to check out how we're progressing? Hence UFOs?

They may have chosen Mars originally, but it didn't work, (hence scientists finding subtle signs of possible previous life on Mars), so they tried Earth instead.

They could have easily planted the Bible into the pot as well, to try to get us to follow a set of moral rules. This follows on from my thoughts that the Bible is just fiction (see link above), and so they planted this fiction, as a storybook of their own creation, to persuade us to be good and follow a safe and moral code.

Obviously they were not counting on us creating different versions, and inevitably starting wars because of peoples' different beliefs, amongst other things. Or were they?

Makes you think, doesn't it?

My Thoughts On... The Bible

2008-10-06T23:25:00.000+01:00

This is a post i've been meaning to do for a while.

I have to say, and I don't mind saying, I do not believe in the Bible! I consider myself Agnostic.

ag·nos·tic(g-nstk)

a. One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.

b. One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.

2. One who is doubtful or noncommittal about something.

adj.

1. Relating to or being an agnostic.

2. Doubtful or noncommittal: "Though I am agnostic on what terms to use, I have no doubt that human infants come with an enormous 'acquisitiveness' for discovering patterns" William H. Calvin.

Now don't get me wrong. I do believe in a lot of things, such as the afterlife, reincarnation, ghosts, spirits, etc, but I simply cannot believe in what The Bible says.

This post came to a head today, when I was PREACHED on Facebook, by someone, who posted to me as follows:-

'I'm a Christian and although we are taught to love all people (I'm sure you are lovely) we are also told that gay sexual relationships are not God's way.'

Now you can imagine how I felt about this comment! I HIT THE ROOF!

How fucking dare someone tell me that it's not 'God's Way' for people to be gay! We're not MADE GAY, we're BORN GAY! This is what's got my back up enough to finally put this post together!

Who is this 'God' everyone talks about? It's a character in a book! There is no FACT that states God is real. Has anyone ever seen this person they call God? No! Oh, no, wait, some bloke called Jesus has seen him. But hang on, isn't he also a character in a book?

I know i've said this before, but i'm gonna say it again. The Bible is a 2,000 year old Harry Potter book! Think about it! It's full of stuff that can't actually happen! Full of hearsay, myth, and conjecture.

If JK was alive 2,000 years ago (and who's to say The Bible wasn't written by a descendant of hers) Harry Potter could well be Jesus, Dumbledore could be God, and Voldermort could well be the Devil lol. Sounds ridiculous? Welcome to the stories in The Bible!

Here's one story from the Bible many have challenged, so let's challenge this one first...

There are OVER 6 MILLIONS DIFFERENT TYPE OF ANIMALS on the planet, including insects.

With that in mind, let's say we had to have 2 of each, we'd be looking at OVER 12 MILLION PAIRS OF ANIMALS.

That's like the average audience of an episode of Eastenders!

Now build an Ark, to put these 12 MILLION animals on it. How much wood this would require, I have no idea. I'm guessing the Ark would need to be at least the size of London, to enable so many animals to be on board, if not bigger!

To give you an idea, it would need to be at least (I believe) 40 miles long and 25 miles wide!

IT'S NOT POSSIBLE!

That blows the Noah's Ark story out of the water lol.

Now what about what we know as fact, against what it states in The Bible.

The Bible states Adam & Eve were the first humans on the planet. So there they are, having sex, growing an adams apple, and populating the world. Then what? Did they get eaten by the Dinosaurs that walked the earth millions of years later? I'm confused!

So, we started as apes.
Of all the apes in the world, only two of them grew/developed into Adam & Eve, who then populated the world.
Adam & Eve are seen to be sexy human beings, in a lush greenland environment known as Eden, walking, talking to God, and learning the ways of the world.
If that's the case, then why were the cavemen/prehistoric men, who supposedly came after them, but were more apes like than human beings, so 'ug ug ug', and not so 'ere luv, grab us an apple'?

It just doesn't make sense! None of it bloody makes sense!

And what's this crap about walking on water, turning water into wine, parting the red sea, talking bushes, and some bloke dying on a cross, only to come back to life months later, like Sleeping Beauty after a long sleep?!

I'm sorry, but if you ask me, it's all a load of crap! I don't believe a word of it, and I really don't understand anyone who does!

Ok, it's nice to have a belief system, but you're more likely to win a game of Quidditch, than be able to feed 5,000 people on one loaf of bread, even if it was a footlong from Subway lol!

If there was such a thing as God, why is there so much death, war, destruction, illness and suffering in the world?

We weren't created by God! We were created through evolution. We started as nothing, and grew, like all the animals and species around us, into what we are today, and we'll continue to evolve, both physically, as well as mentally, making this planet even greater than it already is (if the ozone layer doesn't kill us first!).

I'm with Bob Geldof on this one!
THERE IS NO GOD!

Poll

2008-09-28T02:34:00.002+01:00

Pic A

Pic B

I'm trying to decide which pic to use for my profile.

Please help me to decide, by choosing one of the options in the Poll (on the top right of the screen).

Thanks,

Lisa
xxx

RIP

2008-09-28T00:00:00.001+01:00

I finally got together one each of the photos I have of my friends who have passed away these last few years, moreso this year. I hope they'll look after me, and keep me safe. I've framed them and put them on my wall to hopefully watch over me.

Top row is Ken, Graham and Vicky.
Bottom row is Pam and Nicholas.

Graham passed away a couple of years ago.
Ken passed away about the time I met Pinky last year.
Nicholas, Pam and Vicky all passed away this year.

Having their pictures, means I'll never forget them, and they'll be in my thoughts everytime I see their smiling faces.

Urgent help sort...

2008-09-24T17:09:00.000+01:00

As innocent as she looks, Polly is beginning to become a burden on me, and I don't know what to do! I'm close to considering getting rid of her, and I thought i'd never say those words! She's only about 4 years old, but she's become more naughty now than she ever was as a kitten.

Ever since I got rid of the litter tray, Polly has been shitting in my flat.

Originally it was in the bath, pissing. Not nice, but washable, and with detergent, sortable.

Then it was behind the kitchen cooker, in the corner. I used 'Get Away' spray, then pepperdust, to no avail, so I had to keep the kitchen door closed at all times. They now get fed in the hallway.

I was also occurring on the bed, but after a good old spanking, and keeping the door shut, that was resolved also. I think that was Bonny though. To this day i'm not entirely sure!

Now polly's started shitting in my livingroom, on my nice brown (thank fuck it's brown) carpet.

Yesterday it was by the tv, under the window sill. She actually did it in front of me, while I was watching. As soon as I realised, (mid flow, when she farted lol), I grabbed her, gave her what for, and locked her out of the flat, putting a large concrete cat garden ornament in front of the cat flap, on the inside, so she couldn't get back in, and scrubbed that area.

Today it was behind the sofa. I sat down after going to the kitchen, and could smell it. After having a dig around, I found it. When she realised I knew, she shot under the glass cabinet, and it took me ages to get her out (with the help of a fragrance house spray can, so it smells mighty nice in that corner now, as does she lol). I then locked her out again, as per yesterday, and cleaned up the mess.

I'm at the end of my tether now. I'm seriously fucked off with this now, and don't know what to do. I don't want the litter tray back again, cause Bonny will start using it, instead of going out, and I don't want that, cause of the hygiene and smell, and the constant expense of litter, so what should I do?

Please help me someone, cause i'm close to tears here. I don't want to get rid of Polly, I love her so much, but this is really fucking me off to no end, and I just don't know what to do for the best anymore.

Advice urgently required asap please xxx

(copied to blogspot)

Rest in Peace Vicky xxx

2008-09-22T22:02:00.000+01:00

I've just been advised, from her partner Jay, that my friend Vicky passed away on Saturday.

Vicky was 41 years old. They have no idea how she died. The autopsy hasn't revealed any reason for this. It happened on Saturday monring, with all her pets and her partner around her, so she wasn't alone.

I didn't know Vicky very well. We met through Gaydar, and became friends. She used to send me little hand made cards and things through the post. I don't think I have them anymore though, which upsets me. I'll have to go look see if I can find them.

She was such a lovely person, so giving and sweet. She would give her all to anyone and everyone, one of the most generous people i've ever met.

This is such a sad loss. I may have only known her something like a year, but i'm still glad to have known her nevertheless, and am very sad that she has passed away.

Sweet dreams Vicky. Sleep well, and please guard over me the best you can.

Love Lisa
xxxxxxxxxx

The Blue Badge

2008-09-20T02:08:00.001+01:00

When I worked at the Bank, in the Paradise Circus building, we had a number of people who always seemed to get staff members parking round the back of the building, in parking spaces with meters.

They always seemed to have really expensive cars, and earned lots of money in their jobs in the bank, so I always figured they were paying, like everyone else, and they could afford the charges.
Then I realised they all had Blue Badges in their car, and they weren't paying a penny!

What bothered me, was that they weren't disabled, none of them, yet they all had the badge.

I asked one of them once, how they got hold of a Blue Badge, and they told me it belonged to their mother, and because it was registered to their car, they were allowed to use it, even though their mother wasn't with them at the time.

I was suspicious about this, but not knowing anything about the Blue Badge scheme, I left it.

Later I found out that some of them were using fraudulent badges. Admittedly I was pissed off with them getting away with this. I asked them how they got hold of one of these badges. They said they do cost quite a bit of money, but they can be got on the black market, if you knew the right people.

I never thought to dob them in. Maybe it just wasn't something I would do, even though it angered me that they were getting away with this injustice, whilst the rest of us had to fork out something like £10 a day to park in the City.

I was watching the BBC Midlands News recently, and they had a story running, about people in the City being caught out by using Blue Badges, when the person whom the badge was designated to, weren't actually in the car with the person who was using the badge at the time.

They have finally decided, no doubt after years of complaints, and fraudulent people being caught, that they're going to start ticketing cars, fining people, and towing cars away, of people who had the Badge showing in their car, but were not the person whom the badge belonged to. They check this, by calling the badge holder, to find out where they are, to establish that they are not in the vicinity of the car itself (ie they're at home, for instance, and the car is in the City). They can even imprison people who have stolen or duplicated badges as well.

I say ABOUT FUCKING TIME TOO!!! I cannot believe the number of people who used to get away with this where I used to work. I'd say a good dozen people I knew were doing it, and some of them were bloody Managers!

Of course in order to keep on top of this, they'll need to eventually employ more people, as it takes time to call the badge holders, etc. Whether they'll do this, is another matter!

I think this is long overdue, and I truly hope they finally put a stop to these people, not only taking advantage of their disabled relatives, but also conning money out of the Council, AND stopping actual disabled people from finding parking spaces near to where they need to go!

This has come as such good news to me, and i'm so happy about it. I don't have a Blue Badge, but I HATE injustice, and this injustice used to really piss me off, and still does, so it's about bloody time they sorted this out, and I hope this hurts those bastards I used to work with, and all those hundreds of people out there who do the same thing, because it's about time justice was served. People get away with too much in this day and age, and i'm glad this is at least one area that's being rectified. I only hope the inspectors will be able to cover not just Brum, but everywhere else in the UK as well!

If you wanna know more about this story, click HERE to go to the BBC News story.

Bonny Wright V. Sophie Vavasseur

2008-09-17T22:50:00.001+01:00

Most people will wonder who there two are. Personally, I think they're a doppleganger lol.

I'm sitting here, watching a very crap movie, called resident Evil - Apocalypse. Ir's shit, putting it mildly!

So on comes this wee little thing, and I look at her, and think 'Fuck me, it's Ginny Weasley'.

So I go on an internet rampage, to confirm my thoughts, only to discover i'm very VERY wrong!

Note the simularities here...

This is Sophie Vavasseur, Angie Ashford in Apocalypse

And this is Bonny Wright, Ginny Weasley in Harry Potter

See my point?

Goodbye Pammy

2008-09-16T15:47:00.003+01:00

I have just logged onto Facebook, to discover that one of my oldest friends, Pam, has passed away.

I knew Pam when she lived in Reading. We met something like 10 years ago. The night we met, was down the Granby Tavern in Reading. I fancied her, and as I went past her, I felt up her arse lol. We swapped numbers, and became good friends. We never were anything more than that, and I was really cool with that, because she was a great person, and I needed friends in my life more than anything.

I never used to be one for socialising, making friends. I'm the same now. I've always found it hard to socialise, make friends, and let myself go. Pam came into my life, and used to drag me out every Saturday to the Granby, before it had its make-over, when it was only on one floor, and we used to dance the night away, and have a right laugh. It was Pam that got me spiking my hair, and letting myself go. I became less shy through her support.

The biggest thing she helped me with, was when a right bitch on the scene started spreading the most awful rumour anyone could ever spread about a person. Those incredibly close to me, will know what i'm talking about, and will know the story, but will be unaware who was involved.

Pam and I were on our way back from a gay club in London. Funny enough, that night i'd bumped into one of my much older friends, Sarah, who I hadn't seen in years, with her partner.

Sarah and I both came out to each other on the phone at the same time, it was really weird. We were both scared of what the other would think, as we were good mates and scared of rejection, but we had such a laugh about it afterwards, and it was such a relief lol.

Anyway, so Pam and I are on our way back from London in Pam's car, and we stop off at a service station. The sun is coming up at this point, early hours of the morning. I must have been about 25.

Pam had received a phone call from a certain woman, who saw fit to tell her that I was a certain type of person. Nothing like 'oh she's a bitch' or anything like that, something far FAR worse! Pam asked me some questions, for which I replied honestly, then she told me what she had been told, and who told her. I burst into tears. Apparently this person had been spreading this malicious gossip about me all over the scene in Reading. I was devistated. To be accused of being one of the worst types of people on the planet is one thing, but having everyone else think that of you is another.

It took me ages to calm down from this, and to be honest, even today, i'm still angry, scared and shocked over this.

So with Pam's help, giving me insider details of where this person works, and what she did for a living etc, I managed, with the help of a Solicitor, to send her a Solicitors letter stating that she either retract the statement, and stop telling people this most awful of lies, or we would take her to court for deformation of character.

Thankfully that stopped the rumour, and it simmered out, and again with Pams help, we managed to put everyone right on the subject, and it ended.

It's still one of the reasons why I moved to Birmingham though, because of the shame of this rumour, and the reputation I had gained from it, which I didn't like.

Needless to say, if it wasn't for Pam sticking by me as a mate, looking after me, and helping me to gain the knowledge to go to a Solicitor with, and for just being a fucking good mate to me when I needed it, and even when I didn't, I probably wouldn't be here today.

The last time I saw Pam, was after I moved to Brum, and she moved to Brighton. I went to the first Reading Pride a number of years ago, and Pam was there with her new partner, Paula, whom she was living in Brighton with. She seemed like a really nice person, and I could tell they were in love.

That was the last time I saw her. We've spoken since then, and talked online as well, and i've seen up to date photos of her online, of her boat when she had one etc. She always wanted to move to Brighton, it was her life long dream, and she managed it, and from what I can tell, she had a wonderful life there. She always offered to have me stay with her and her partner there, but I never took her up on the offer. I now wish I had, for she has now passed away, and I missed out on that opportunity to spend some quality time with my mate, catch up, and have a memorable blast.

I love you Pam. You were a great mate to me, and I will never forget that. You came into my life when I needed a good mate, and you brought me out of the shy world, and changed me. You got me dancing instead of hiding in the corner, you got me dressing nicer, doing my hair spikey, and gave me courage. You have inspired me to follow my dream of being a HGV/courier driver, like you partner is, and supported me when I needed a friendly ear, and a shoulder to cry on.

I will truly miss you Pam. You are a wonderful person, a much loved person, and I for one will miss you so much.

It's horrible when someone dies, and you wish you had had the chance to say things to them that you never had the chance to say when they were alive. I wish I could have said all these things, and thanked you so much for being there for me etc when you were alive, but alas I never did it, and for that, i'm so very sorry. If you're looking down on me now, I hope you're reading this, and you know what you have meant to me, and how you have changed my life for the better.

If a person can change the life of another for the better, just one person, in their whole entire life, then their life has been worth living. I can say 100% that you are that person. You changed my life, and that is why I know you're in heaven, looking down on us all and smiling.

Take care babe, sleep well, and look after us all in our times of need, like only you could. It's been a wonderful pleasure knowing you, and i'm proud to say you were a friend of mine. Thank you for being my friend. Goodbye babe

My thoughts on... Big Brother 9

2008-09-02T20:39:00.000+01:00

This is the last week of BB9. In a few days time, the show will be over again, and we'll have to wait another 9 months before it's back on our screens.

Personally, I love BB. I'm a HUGE fan! I love watching the new people come in, and looking at them all, thinking 'No, I don't like them, this year will be boring', then as things progress, watching their different personalities come out, and one minute liking someone, the next hating them again lol.

So, i've decided to run down my thoughts of each of this years housemates. No doubt many won't agree, but I don't really care lol.

Alexandra

What a cow this woman was! Such a bully, and so up herself. A truly nasty piece of work! I'm so glad she was booted, but it should have been earlier rather than later! BB really shouldn't give people second chances if there is no evidence to prove this person is going to change, and there was obviously no signs that this person was ever going to change, because of her continuous behaviour right upto when she was first warned! I wonder whether BB will ever learn, as this sort of behaviour from THEM, is the reason many criticize the show!

Belinda

What an unbearable woman! This woman can't sing, AT ALL! She sings out of tune, and that constant 'Blues' crap, for fuck's sake, give me a sick bag! Everytime she started singing, i'd be doing a Mikey (putting my fingers in my ears). I loved it when she went, such a bloody relief!

Dale

I think it's fair to say, that this housemate is one of the hunkiest housemates EVER! OMG, what a dish! I mean, I know i'm gay and everything, but jesus, he'd turn me lol. He is soooooooooo attractive, I swear, this guy has a serious future in modelling. I hope he does have a future with Jennifer, cause they look GREAT together!

Darnell

I love that pic lol. When this guy went in, I though 'I like him, he seems cool, fun, bubbly, entertaining', and there is no denying, he has been, with his songs, and his fun personality. However, he's such a moody sod aint he? I mean, talk about screwed up! He loves Sara, but he's so jealous of her nature, and that she doesn't pay him the attention he wants from her, that he becomes this arrogent, nasty piece of work, so bullies her like a love sick schoolboy, making her cry for fuck's sake, all because he can't have things his way! This guy needs some form of counselling. I feel sorry for him, very immature behaviour. For that reason, I don't want him to win!

Dennis

A bit of a drama queen, this guy. He had his good moments, and it's always nice to have an animated gay guy in the house, but he was also a right butch queen with it, and when he spat at Mohamed (even though i'm not keen on Mo, that was it for us all I think. I mean, how grose, and immature was that? Talk about a childish bully. I wonder if him and Alexandra will be best mates, lol.

Jennifer

There is always one or two housemates, that no one really remembers much about. They're usually pretty basic, average looking, and don't really do much in the house. Unfortunately, Jennifer was one of those people. Really nice girl, and I hope she has a future with Dale, but she didn't really make an impression within the house this year. Such a shame. This picture fiasco was good though, with Rex spoiling her picture. Wrong of him to do it, but it was like the only memorable part of her stay there to be honest!

Kathreya

This woman has some serious issues! She has the mentality of a child. She wants everything to be happy, disney like, and all 'peace on earth'. She needs a reality check! I've never seen someone so emotionally disturbed as she is. She's so sensitive. I would have thought her being in the house, would have made her a stronger person, but it just seems to have made her worse. Fuck knows how she's gonna cope when she leaves, especially if she's booed lol. She's so gullible!

Lisa

I've never seen a housemate, who's face just doesn't move! It bugged me for weeks, as to what is was about her face that was annoying me. Then I found out she has had those injections in her face to freeze lines etc. No wonder she's expressionless. She has these piercing eyes, and this enigmatic smile. She seems so fake. Saying 'thank you' in a non-thanking way, and pretending she's happy to be evicted, when she clearly wasn't happy, throwing her arms in the air shouting 'yes', was so bloody false. She goes on about complete bullshit all the time, little green men, galloping horses, and thinks she's so unbelievably attractive, and has a HUGE ego, and probably thought she'd win the show, although she tried to give off the impression she didn't want to, and wasn't fussed! Such a fake person!

Luke

I actually like Luke. I wouldn't have minded if he won. He seems such a nice guy, and so genuine, with a heart of gold. I wasn't happy when he was evicted, such a shame, but at least he's found love in Rebecca, and I hope it lasts.

Mario

What a prat! Biggest egotistical prat i've ever seen! He's perfectly suited to Lisa, they're a match made in heaven, both think they're something they are not! Does she know he's bisexual? I've seen him dancing in Nightingales, Birmingham, trying it on with guys, and Lisa was nowhere to be seen! he bigs himself up all the time, making out he cares for people, and he's a manager of people, but he couldn't manage himself out of a paper bag!

Maysoon

A very attractive woman, and she seemed like a fun housemate. But like Jennifer, she was the sort of person who melted into the background, and won't really be remembered for much.

Michael

He's somewhat a gullible character. He loved Mario, not realising what he was really like, when everyone else could see what the guy was like. He's a nice guy though, and says his piece, which is great. he tells it how he sees it, and doesn't hold back, and that's a great characteristic to have. We share something in common there! I wouldn't want him to win though, I just feel he's worthy of the title.

Mohamed

I have mixed feelings about this guy. He seems like a fun guy, and friendly, but he's also bloody greedy and selfish. He's had some rough times in the house, and a lot of stick, but on the other side of the coin, he's brought a lot of it on himself, and he's such a greedy and lazy bloke. That's why he's a loved, yet hated character in the house, and why he's still there.

Nicole

What a cow! Nasty piece of work! How nasty was she to everyone? Especially Mikey!! No wonder she got something like 94% of the votes to be evicted. Mind you, look at her partner! No wonder she's such a bitch, Rex has rubbed off on her! The only good bit about her time in the house, was the Thriller task, ie the end result, NOT the 'making of' part!

Rachel

I've never known anyone so disney like as Rachel. She is so much like Snow White. Can't you see the birds flying around her, and the rabbits and deer jumping around her feet? Or is it just me? She's so happy all the time, and there doesn't seem to be a horrible bone in her body. She comes across as such a genuine, nice person, and unlike other housemates, it just doesn't seem fake with her. I hope she either is one of the last out, or wins, cause I feel she deserves it. I genuinely like her!

Rebecca

When she first appeared, I didn't like her! I was embarrassed for Coventry! She just screamed at EVERYTHING and was just so over excited, it was sickening. But when Luke fell for her, and you could see things developing there, I started to like her. I do hope things work out for them, cause he's such a nice guy, and they both deserve happiness. I hope she doesn't hurt him.

Rex

This guy is such a wannabe Gordon Ramsay! He thinks he's the biggest thing in restaurants, but he's not! He's such a chauvinistic pig, and it's so sad to think there are still men around like that. yeah, ok, so he can cook, but it doesn't mean he has to treat women the way he does! I hope he doesn't win!

Sara

A very attractive young lady, and she seems like such a nice person too. I think she's played Darnell a little bit, and i'm not sure if she's serious about her feelings towards him now, or if she's just playing him still, because she's feeling low and lonely. Only time will tell. If she is using him and playing him, then it's gonna make him far worse than he was towards her recently. She comes across really cool though, and I hope she is one of the ones who gets to the top 3, or even wins.

Stephanie

I feel so sorry for this housemate. She lasted like a week in the house, and it wasn't even her fault, it was all down to her, Mario, Lisa and Luke failing the first task of the show. I think they should have given her the opportunity to go back into the house, or even had a secret house this year where she could have gone, giving her a chance still, but alas no.

Stuart

Another hunk, and one of the hottest guys ever in the house. Such a nice guy too, and he wears his heart on his sleeve, and seems such a nice, kind, loving guy, and a great dad. It was such a shame when he left, but considering he was up against Dale, it was a tough call.

Sylvia

This one was a bit of a trouble maker. The moment poor Stuart entered the house, she was like a flies round shit! She wouldn't leave him alone, flirting like no-one's business, it was sickening! She was also very much like Alexandra, but not as nasty. It was a good day when she was evicted!

So, to summerise, my favourite housemates this year are Luke, Sara, Stuart, Dale and Rachel, and I hope either Sara or rachel wins!

Seriously horny!!!

2008-08-30T21:04:00.001+01:00

I'm not just horny, i'm SERIOUSLY HORNY.

Why?

Cause I just watched a music video a mate sent me on Facebook, and it's got me all of a fluster.

God, why does the Mrs have to be away? I could really do with a snog after watching that, and then some lol.

Check it out...

RUMOURS ABOUT ME!

2008-08-29T18:36:00.001+01:00

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE BELIEVING RUMOURS THEY HEAR ABOUT ME!

IF YOU HEAR GOSSIP OR RUMOURS ABOUT ME, WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING ASK ME WHETHER IT'S TRUE OR NOT, BEFORE BELIEVING IT?

ANYONE WHO BELIEVES WHAT THEY HEAR, WITHOUT HEARING THE OTHER PERSON'S SIDE OF THE STORY, IS JUST BELIEVING UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMOURS!!!

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL, IF SOMEONE WAS SPREADING MALICIOUS GOSSIP ABOUT YOU, AND EVERYONE BELIEVED IT, WITHOUT HEARING YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY FIRST?

YOU WOULDN'T FUCKING LIKE IT, WOULD YOU?

THEN DON'T DO IT TO ME!

IF YOU WANNA KNOW THE FUCKING FACTS, ASK ME!

IF YOU WANNA CONTINUE TO BELIEVE UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMOURS OR GOSSIP, THEN YOU ARE SERIOUSLY SICK, AND YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING ASHAMED!

EVEN IF YOU TRULY THINK THE PERSON TELLING YOU THIS CRAP, IS TELLING YOU THE TRUTH, WHY DON'T YOU STILL GET IT CONFIRMED BY ME?

I'M FUCKING HONEST, AND AINT GONNA LIE! I SWEAR ON MY NIECES LIVES!

YOU WANNA BE OPEN MINDED TO FACTS? THEN MESSAGE ME VIA FACEBOOK (CLICK BOX BELOW).

OR EMAIL ME (AS ABOVE)

IF YOU DON'T WANNA BE OPEN MINDED, AND THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL, THEN HERE ARE A FEW FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW...

YOU CANNOT CATCH HIV FROM A TOILET SEAT

ELVIS IS DEAD!

AND I'M NOT A NASTY PERSON!

I'M NOT LYING ABOUT ANY OF THE ABOVE!

IT'S UPTO YOU, WHETHER YOU WANNA BELIEVE ME OR NOT.

ASK ME ANYTHING, AND I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH!

AND THAT'S A FUCKING PROMISE!!!

My Thoughts On... Gordon Ramsay's 'The F Word'

2008-08-01T01:30:00.007+01:00

The first show I saw Gordon Ramsay in, was 'Hells Kitchen' UK. Prior to that, i'd not seen his tv debute, to my knowledge.

Like millions of other viewers who watched that first series of HK, I was hooked. I loved the humour, the fast pace, his honesty, and the competition in general. The swearing at the time really didn't bother me at all, because it was fresh. You never saw someone to television swearing so much, especially at other celebrities, who just stood there and took it. It was brilliant!

Being a fan of reality television, this became one of my favourite shows.

Of course, in the end, he left, as the show wasn't going the way he wanted it to go, ie he wanted wannabe chefs in there, not celebrities, so he moved the show to America, where he got to do the type of show he craved.

Since then, he's also done 'Kitchen Nightmares', which is different to HK, but also a great show.

I do wonder though, whether the whole Gordon Ramsay 'fad' has been overplayed now.

Over the last few weeks, on and off, i've been watching 'The F Word'.

At the beginning, I quite enjoyed this show, but as time has gone by, it's become incredibly annoying.

1. What is this incessant need to jump around all the time? It's like the guy is wearing springs in his shoes. He never stands still anymore. He never used to be like that, it's so bloody annoying.

2. What's with the constant hand clapping? He might as well be in a cheesy audience of some crap BBC show, with all the clapping he's doing.

3. I'm not sure if i'm the only person who is pissed off with this, but his fucking swearing is doing my fucking head in. Why does he need to fucking swear all the time? It's so out of order. I hate it! I never minded it before, but it's so old hat now, can;t he just shut the fuck up with the swearing, and put his point across without swearing all the time? I know that's partly why it's called 'The F Word', but come on, why can't the 'F' just mean FOOD, and not FUCK as well?????

4. And I know this has caused controversy lately, but do we really need to hear or see animals being slaughtered for his menu? I really didn't like the whole 'David and Elton' thing, with the calfs, and earlier shows where they showed the animals live, then (I presume) dead afterwards. I have no idea whether they showed the actual death of these animals, because as soon as it got to the section of the programme where the slaughter was about to happen, I turned over to watch something else. There is no need for this on television. he might get a thrill out of it, but how many of us do? Don't get me wrong, i'm not a vegetarian, far from it, I love my meat, but I don't wish to see it being slaughtered on television, that's just wrong and cruel. Millions of people eat meat, but i'd say a large percentage of us don't wish to see our dinner slaughtered in front of us. Am I wrong? I don't think so! And don't even get me started on the Puffins. Those are such beautiful creatures. As soon as he said he was gonna kill one, over I went to watch something else. I heard today they actually showed him killing it. I hope i'm wrong. If i'm not, then that's out of order, completely. I'm so against that!

5. Why is it, that he feels he has to leave out words when he's describing how to cook a dish? I really hate that!

I'm Gordon Ramsay, and this is how to make a cup of tea!

Kettle.... Water.... Boil.... Teapot.... Hot Water.... Swirl.... Empty.... Teabags.... Teapot.... Kettle.... Pour.... Teapot.... Lid.... Cosy.... Sit.... Teacup.... Kettle.... Pour.... Milk.... Sugar.... Stur.... Serve.... DONE!

Now how bloody anoying was that? Was there any need for it? No! So why do it?

Anyway......

Being an avid book reader, I did enjoy his first book 'Humble Pie' Apart from the constant swearing, I found it really interesting, in learning about Gordon's upbringing, and how he became successful etc. A really good read.

I've recently started reading his second book, 'Playing With Fire'. It's equally full of swearing, and I have to say, pretty boring to be honest. I'm on about chapter 7 right now, and it's really not getting much more interesting, but i'm never one to let a book go without finishing it (apart from Stephen Fryu's book, something about a Washpot, which was so boring, I died and had to be brought back to life under careful supervision of my loved ones (ok so that was a huge exaggeration, but you get my drift).

Anyway, that's my thoughts on 'The F Word'. Total tripe, and I won't be watching it again in the future.

I heard while he was trying to catch the Puffins, he slipped off the rocks, and hit the water below. Unfortunately there will be another series (no doubt) which he'll be heading. Better luck next time I guess!!!!

If you wanna know what i'm talking about regarding the Puffins and the accident over the cliff, CLICK ME

Cookie Love Rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-24T01:48:00.003+01:00

I've seen it all now!!!

2008-06-05T01:29:00.002+01:00

Tonight I caught the back end of a programme, on Channel 5, called 'The Woman Who Married The Eiffel Tower'. I swear, i've seen it all now.

This woman actually married the Eiffel Tower! No, you've not read that wrong, she didn't marry someone ON the Eiffel Tower, she actually MARRIED THE EIFFEL TOWER!

I've heard of people marrying sheep and horses, but an inanimate object? What is the world coming to!

And to make matters worse, she even went back a year after the 'wedding' and consumated the marriage, by sitting on one of the metal structures, in a long skirt, with no underwear on, and rubbed herself against the tower getting off on it, 'consumating' the relationship.

For fuck sake, that's just bloody ridiculous. This woman needs help!!!

http://www.independent.co.uk/extras/sunday-review/living/i-married-the-eiffel-tower-832519.html

I believe in... The Common Cold Con!

2008-05-06T10:14:00.001+01:00

The Common Cold Con!

You cannot tell me that we have cures for cancer, cures for most known diseases, but no cure for the common cold? Oh please!!

In my opinion, there is, and has been a cure for the common cold for many years, but the reason why they won't release it, give it out, or sell it to the public, is MONEY!

How much money is made my pharmaceutical companies each year by selling potions, cough mixtures, syrups, tablets, etc for the common cold? BILLIONS!!

If they brought out the cure for the common cold, the amount of companies who would lose money, the industries would be in turmoil, billions would be lost, jobs would be lost, and the whole 'common cold' industry would be in ruins!

And even if they did bring out the cure, make it public, they'd probably charge a fortune for it anyway. They'd have to make their money back somehow, from the loss of all the other cold and flu remedies on the market, which wouldn't sell anymore!

Might be a mad thought to you, but I certainly believe this theory!!!

In the meantime, we'll just have to carry on drinking potions and swallowing tablets!

I Believe in...

2008-05-02T13:18:00.006+01:00

The Death Penalty

In my opinion, if someone is without a doubt found guilty, 100%, without ANY doubt whatsoever, in a court of law, of any hanus crime, such as rape, torture, murder, sexual abuse on children, etc, then they should be put on Death Row, and executed accordingly!

If you take a life, then why should your life be safe to continue, even if it is in a prison cell? Why are we spending millions of pounds a year on keeping these kinds of criminals in a prison cell, when they should be made to die through execution, for taking the life of an innocent human being? I just don't get it.

36 states out of 50 in USA have the Death Penalty. I believe they have the right idea!

We used to have the Death Penalty here, until 1965. Abolishing it, in my opinion, was a bad mistake!!!

People like Fred West and Rosemary West, Dennis Nilsen, Peter Sutcliffe, and Myra Hindley and Ian Brady, to name but a few, who all savagely raped and murdered men, women and children, should have all been made to suffer death by execution, instead of being allowed to live out their lives in the comfort of a prison cell, with hot food, heating, television, music, hot running water, and oxygen! Okay, so Fred West committed suicide, and no doubt some of the others have attempted suicide during their stay in prison also, but being made to life their remaining years in prison, instead of having their lives cut short by the hangman (or whatever method was chosen) just isn't fair on those they raped and murdered, their families and friends, and those who's live's have been affected by their actions.

Now, don't get me wrong, and I do feel i'm not contradicting myself here by saying this, but those who have obvious mental problems/illnesses, like Schizophrenia, Psychosis, etc, and those who are mentally handicapped should NOT be put on death row, but placed for life in a mental institution.

In my opinion, and in the opinion of thousands of other people, this is what should have happened to the American mass murderer Aileen Wuornos, but alas she was executed in 2002.

The Loch Ness Monster

The infamous Loch Ness Monster was first 'sighted' back in the 7th Century by St. Columba. Since then it's been 'sighted' in 1871, and more famously in 1933, when this photo was taken. The again in 1943, the 1950's, 60's, and so on.

There has always been, and will always be controversy over the Loch Ness Monster. People will always be wondering whether it's real or not, but to me, it is real, it's not a myth, but a real living creature, and that belief makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside lol. (sad but true)

Area 51 - Life on other planets

How is it possible, that we, Earth, can sit in a Galaxy, surrounded by hundreds of thousands of other galaxies, and be the only planet out of millions that has life on it?

It's impossible!

Therefore, WE ARE NOT ALONE!

Have we had visitors? Have aliens visited our planet? Landed here? Of course they have!

Does Area 51 house secrets of these landings, and potentially alien life forms, crafts etc? Of course they do!

Are aliens living with us right now? Do they walk with us on this planet? Scary thought, but it could happen!

But to anyone who honestly believes we are alone, and that there cannot be life out there, you need your head examined!!!

Each of those dots is a Galaxy, and each Galaxy can house hundreds of planets and moons.

It's like looking at a green lawn and not expecting to see a single ant or creepy crawly. As if!

Ghosts and the Afterlife (click link)

God/Jesus is just a story - It didn't actually happen! (click link)

The British Royal Family - A waste of space!

They're here for publicity yet they're the most expensive theme park we have, and you can't ride them!!! (would you want to though? Ewwww)

I've copied this from Wikipedia...

Funding

Monies to support the Queen in the exercise of her duties as head of state of the United Kingdom (the Head of State Expenditure) come from the Civil List. This is a return of a small portion of the revenue from the Crown Lands that are surrendered by the monarch to parliament at the beginning of each reign; all Crown Land being administered by The Crown Estates, an institution that is answerable to parliament. In the 2003-04 fiscal year, the amount surrendered was £176.9 million, where the Head of State Expenditure was £36 million. The Head of State Expenditure does not include the cost of security.

Only the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh receive funding from the Civil List. The Duke receives £359,000 per year.

Only some members of the Royal Family carry out public duties; these individuals receive an annual payment known as a Parliamentary Annuity, the funds being supplied to cover office costs.

The Duke of York: £249,000 per annum
The Earl and Countess of Wessex: £141,000 per annum
The Princess Royal: £228,000 per annum
The Duke and Duchess of Gloucester: £175,000 per annum
The Duke and Duchess of Kent: £236,000 per annum
Princess Alexandra £225,000 per annum

These amounts are repaid by The Queen from her private funds.

Though always voluntarily subject to the Value Added Tax and other indirect taxes, the Queen agreed to pay taxes on income and capital gains from 1992, although the details of this arrangement are both voluntary and secret. At the same time it was announced that only the Queen and Prince Philip would receive civil list payments. Since 1993 the Queen's personal income has been taxed as any other Briton. The Queen's private estate (eg shareholdings, personal jewellery, Sandringham House and Balmoral Castle) will be subject to Inheritance Tax, however bequests from Sovereign to Sovereign are exempt. [3

All that money could be used to help the NHS, or to help with the homeless etc. Millions of people are living on the streets, while we're paying our taxes towards this one family, making sure they're having their holidays, their expensive cars and houses, expensive jewellery, and extravagant weddings and parties. It's fucking wrong, and i'm sick of it!

Can't think of anymore beliefs right now, so may add to this later!!!

Doctor Who

2008-04-30T20:49:00.002+01:00

Over the last few weeks, when i'm unable to sleep, I tried to trudge through my memory banks to remember all the names of the actors who played Doctor Who over the years. I was convinced there were more than 10, but could only actually remember 10 (most of which I didn't recall names for, I have to admit, but I did remember their faces. Thankfully I just realised I got them all right, and in fact there have only been 10 in the last 45 years of Doctor Who. God i'm sad lol.

The First Doctor
William Hartnell (I remember him on the repeats, as it was in black and white, although I wasn't born when he was the Doctor)
1963-1966

The Second Doctor
Patrick Troughton (I remember him again from repeats, but moreso as he was in The Omen, a particular favourite movie of mine)
1966-1969

The Third Doctor
Jon Pertwee (Again, I remember him from repeats, and moreso as Worzel Gummidge)
1970-1974

The Fourth Doctor
Tom Baker (I was born in 1974, so remember him being the first Doctor I saw. He's probably more famous now though, for being the 'Little Britain' voice.
1974-1981

The Fifth Doctor
Peter Davison (He was in a tv show at the time, 'All Creatures Great and Small' before he became the Doctor. My mum also fancied him lol)
1982-1984 and again in 2008 for one episode

The Sixth Doctor
Colin Baker (I believe he is the least remembered Doctor, and he wasn't very good either)
1984-1986

The Seventh Doctor
Sylvester McCoy (The longest running Doctor, to date, and my favourite Doctor as well)
1987-1996

The Eighth Doctor
Paul McGann (He's the Doctor the real fans tend to not acknowledge as being the Doctor, as he only appeared in a 'movie' as him, and not in the series)
1996

The Ninth Doctor
Christopher Eccleston (I remember him for his role in one of my favourite movies '28 Days Later'.)
2005

The Tenth Doctor
David Tennant (I remember him from one of the Harry Potter movies, Goblet of Fire' before he became the Doctor. He's really good, but I feel overdoes it sometimes with the shouting etc)
2005 -Present

Personally I still think Sylvester McCoy was the best Doctor, and David Tennant is the second best, but most of the population of fans who remember the original series would SOOOOOOO disagree with me, and say Tom Baker was the best. I disagree with this opinion, but we're all entitled to our own opinions. If we all agreed with the majority, the world would be a boring place to live!!!

Doctor Who is still as addictive as it used to be in the old days, and I hope it will continue to run for many years to come.

Depressing Birthday

2008-02-12T17:50:00.000Z

Tomorrow is my birthday. Whoop-fucking-eeeee!

I'm gonna be 34, and what do I have to show for it?

1. I don't have a job, because i'm too sick to work.

2. I don't have my own home anymore, i've been repossessed, and from next week i'll be in council accommodation in West Bromwich.

3. I'm constantly broke because being on benefits sucks!!!

4. I'm missing my dog so much it hurts like hell, which is bringing me down even more.

5. I feel incredibly lonely and isolated right now.

When you have a birthday, you're supposed to enjoy it, feel great about turning a year older, that you've made it through another year, when you didn't think you would.

What will I be doing tomorrow? I have no idea. I'll be feeling lonely I know that much, even if i'm not on my own, because that's how I feel right now, and all I wanna do, is go out and buy another bottle of Vodka to cheer me up, because it seems like the only thing that does these days!

Is that what i've become?

And let's not even talk about Feb 14th!!!

I might as well be in my grave the way i'm feeling right now!!!

Homophobia

2007-12-31T11:56:00.000Z

Why are people still Homophobic?

Personally, I dispise any form of hatred towards others. Homophobia hurts me personally though, whereas the others hurt me but not as much as this one.

If you saw a Goth/Emo in the street, would you openly abuse them because they choose to wear black clothes and make-up, and pierce themselves?

If you saw a Punk in the street, would you abuse them because they choose to wear outlandish clothing and hair styles?

If you saw a Rastafarian in the street, would you abuse them because they choose to wear the colours of their country, and have their hair in dreadlocks?

No?

So why then, do people STILL, even to this day, abuse openly gay and lesbian people?

The amount of times me and my partner have walked around Birmingham, and have had abuse shouted at us for holding hands. HOLDING HANDS FOR FUCK SAKE!!! What's the big deal in that? Yet it still happens, we still get abuse for it. When are people going to accept that if it's ok for a straight couple to hold hands, why can't it be ok for a gay couple?

People forget we're in 2007 (almost 2008). We're not living in the 15th Century, so why are they still like this? They're not like it to any other culture, not openly in the city anyway, so why the gay culture?

Some say people who are Homophobic, are actually gay or bi themselves, but too ashamed to come out, or too scared of their feelings, hence why they're Homophobic, as a way of detaching themselves from what they fear, what they don't want to admit of themslves, so they show hatred towards Homosexuals, because they hate themselves for being Homosexual, even though they can't admit it. It's like a war in their minds.

I remember the day I came out to my parents that I was gay. I had been taunting my brother for ages, saying he was gay, and why doesn't he just admit it. He wasn't/isn't of course, but I was, and I was too scared to admit it, so I did it this way instead. It culminated in a huge row with my parents, where my dad screamed at me that my brother wasn't gay, for which I screamed back that I knew he wasn't, but that I was. It was very similar to the Eastenders episode 'You're not my mother, yes I am', but about 10 years earlier lol. After hearing my mum saying I wasn't her daughter (the shock of it, that obviously later changed) things were ok after a couple of years, and they accept me now, but it was hard then. Coming out was such a relief, as anyone would tell you. It's like a huge weight being lifted, and when you finally do it, even though it's really hard, you feel so much better for it in the end.

Those who battle with their own feelings of being gay, who hate themselves for being that way, show that hatred by being Homophobic towards the gay community. 'I hate you because I hate myself for being you'.

Of course this isn't all Homophobics. There are some who are just uneducated, and don't realise that everyone is equal, no matter who you sleep with, or what you get upto in the bedroom (unless it's children or animals) then you're as normal as everyone else, therefore should be treated as such, and not be abused etc.

I just wish the torments, abuse and Homophobia would end. It makes me so angry. Just because someone looks, dresses, or acts different from the 'norm', doesn't make them weird, doesn't give you the right to abuse them, taunt them, attack them or laugh at them etc. If everyone was the same, this would be such a boring world.

We don't choose to be gay, we're born that way!

Accept us for who we are, stop the abuse, let us live in harmony and peace, as you wish to live. We don't abuse you for being straight, so don't abuse us for being gay!!!

The Spirit World

2007-11-30T18:09:00.000Z

Do you believe in ghosts?

Admittedly, I DO!

Many think they're tricks of the imagination, tricks of the light, or our own paranoia. To me though, they're real.

Many years ago, there was an old house in Prospect Park in Reading, called The Mansion House. It was build in the 1800's.

When I was a kid, we'd take our dog there, the family and I. The house was white, but covered in graffiti, and always had punks hanging out there. It was all boarded up. We're of course talking the early 80s here lol.

Sometime in the early 90's, a family restaurant chain called 'Brewers Fair' bought the house, and started to refurbish it, to make it into a large family restaurant, which it is today.

My dad was unfortunately out of work that the time, (due to the recession) and a qualified carpenter, so he went down to the site, and managed to get work helping rebuild it.

There are a few different stories about the house, and its ghosts, and they all differ.

The one my dad told me was about the previous owner of the house, a woman called Frances Kendrick. She fell in love with a gentleman called Benjamin Child. They married, and Frances fell pregnant. Unfortunately, Frances died in child birth. Kendrick was so upset at her passing away, and the death of his only child also, that he build a tunnel from the house into the parkland (which at the time was his own grounds of course, as there was no park there) and a large underground chamber at the end, where he buried his beloved. He would then regularly visit her, to prey by her side and bring her gifts etc. Apparently it's filled with treasures and gold, so the story goes. It was their own private chamber, where only he would visit her. Over the top of the chamber, he built a heart shapes pond, which still lies there today, but is no longer heart shaped due to time.

Unfortunately, he was so distraught by her passing, he felt he couldn't live without her, so he hung himself in the house, in one of the bedrooms.

The tunnel and her chamber was never found!

While my dad was working there, he told me that one of the workman had a dog, but this dog would never go anywhere near a particular upstairs room. Whenever they took the dog up there, he would whine and wimper, and run away. Always around the same room. They later found out, this was the room Benjamin Child hung himself in. His spirit still resided in that room.

Many years ago, while residing in Reading, I was living in a flat with a smoker. It was a council flat. We were awoken in the night by a loud bang. When we turned on the light, we found the ashtray, still sitting on the table, but split in two. Something, (or someone) had broken the ashtray in half. This wasn't a small ashtray. It was similar to this one... (but bigger, very heavy, and solid, from a pub)

Later that day, the boiler died. When the engineer came out to fix it, he said it we'd have lit a cigarette in the flat, and the boiler was turned on, the flat would have gone up in smoke. There was a build up of gas within the boiler, waiting to be released or ignited. Thankfully he'd gone out and left me to resolve the boiler problem, so that didn't happen!

A sign? I like to think so!

I've always believed in spirits and ghosts, but moreso now, having had this incident happen to me.

I also believe in Guardian Angels, white noise, and in spiritualists like John Edward.

However, I would like to say, that in MY opinion, and in the opinion of MILLIONS of others, 'Most Haunted' is a pile of crap!

I'm sorry, but if you really believe that ghosts will appear purely because there is a tv crew there, or because Yvette Fielding is in the room, think again! What do you think this is, 'Ghostbusters'?

It's ok not to believe, but I believe that those who are on the other side, friends and relatives who were once with us, do contact us through the spirit world, and do look out for us, look over us, and protect us when they can.

Always look for signs, because they are there, even if we don't make an attempt to notice them. Those who loved us, who used to be with us in body, are always with us in spirit, and waiting for us on the other side, so remember that, and feel their presence, talk to them, and thank them for being with you, even when you feel at your loneliest!

As i've said before, I don't believe in God or Jesus, or the bible, but this, I truly DO believe in!

Bullying, and how it's affected my life!

2007-11-20T02:51:00.000Z

Pretty much all my life i've been bullied! I'm 33 years old now!

Looking at me, you wouldn't think so! I'm a big butch dyke lesbian, tattoo, piercing, and I pretty much look like i'm ready to rumble if anyone comes near me. Why do I look like this? Why do I give off this impression? It's my shield, my duvet, my safeguard. 'If I look tough, no-one is gonna mess with me'. That's the main thought I have, and it usually works too! It's a shame the inner me doesn't resemble the outer me. People don't realise i'm actually a big softie at heart. Well, they do know that, but only if they truly know me!

When I was growing up, I got bullied bad. In Primary School it wasn't that bad. The occasional ginger comment, which went over my head (heard one, heard them all, fellow red heads would know the score on this one). Ginger nut, ginger biscuit, duracell, carrot top, these were just a few, can't think of any others anymore, they just go in one ear and out the other now lol.

At one point, I was forced by the teachers to go on a school holiday to Cornwall (I think), some sort of Butlins place. I never wanted to go, but they were a person down, so the teachers put a ton of pressure on me to go, and I didn't know how to say no, so I had to say yes. While I was there, the other kids bullied me so much, I spent the entire time crying my eyes out, and counting the days til I got home. I'd never been away from my parents ever, and I was treated so badly by my so called friends while I was there, i've never forgotten how I felt, it was one of the worst experiences of my life!

By the end of Primary School, i'd put on weight. Believe it or not, it was due to the swimming lessons they made us do. Once a week we'd be chucked on a coach, and driven to a swimming pool, where we would have to learn to swim. I couldn't (and still can't) swim to save my life. I was always scared of the water, not of drowning, but of my head going under and not being able to breathe. I've always had a thing about keeping my nose and mouth clear, being scared of suffocation. I don't know why, I think it has something to do with an incident in a swimming pool on holiday when I was a kid. I digress...

After the lessons, we'd all meet up in the reception area, where there was a chocolate machine. We bought chocolates and sweets to eat on the way back. The chlorine and exercise always made everyone hungry (I can't abide the smell of chlorine anymore. I can smell poppers a mile off, I hate them, I hate that smell). So of course i'd buy chocolate or sweets, and slowly the weight began to go on.

Everyone said it was puppy fat and it would go, but it never did, and over the last 23 years i've just increased in size. During the time I initially started to grow, I did get the occasional comments, which made me upset, and which started off my shyness I guess. Kids can be so cruel.

Of course, the following year I was in Secondary School, and that's where the bullying really began to get worse.

I was getting slowly bigger, I was a red head, pale skinned, covered in acne, and shy. I was also quiet as a kid, and pale, and very emotional. The emotional side of me only started to show when I started being bullied. That's when I hid myself away, and became a loner.

I would get the obvious ginger names, as already mentioned, but i'd also get the names relating to my size and ache, as well as being pushed around, physically bullied, teased, tormented, and of course having my belongings damaged and ruined by the other kids.

My folks had kind of wrapped me in cottom wool as a kid, and the Primary School I went to wasn't really a place where people were bullied, (apart from on that holiday) so when I went to Secondary School, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I had no idea how to handle it.

There were two specific bullies, which I remember more vividly than anyone else, whom even to this day I hate with a passion, and would love to confront to give them what for, for ruining my life! No doubt they're married now, but their names then were Kerry Owen and Ceri Williams. They were in the same gang, and I mean it when I say they ruined my life.

I remember in the 6th form, I just lost it one day, after 6 years of being bullied badly. I had most of the typing class bullying me at this stage, and even the teacher, Mrs Hunt (with a capitol C) was bullying me. I was in the 6th form toilets, and a girl called Lorraine Sturgess entered, (she was the school slut, and as thick as two short planks to boot) taking the piss out of me. I was on PMT tablets back then, I was depressed, but too young to be allowed anti-depressents, and I just lost it, so I grabbed her by the collar, threw her up against the wall, and hit her! It was the only time i'd ever done anything like that, and boy did I wish i'd done it earlier, because as soon as I entered the classroom again, they all knew about what had happened, and the bullying was much less from then on, albeit not completely gone.

I spent a lot of my time bunking off lessons because of the way I was being treated. I desperately wanted to do music in my GCSEs, but because the two formentioned bullies were gonna be in that class, I ended up going bloody Child Development. Me? Child Development? Yep! But what else could I do? I did it for a quiet life!

When I did finally leave school, I was so happy, away from them all for good, such a relief.

Then I started my working life. I managed to spend a few years with little or no bullying at all in the workplace, until I started working for a company called Studio Box, based in Reading. They were a company that sold art and graphics software to companies, mainly in America. They're no longer around.

The two Managers there were great, but the woman I was working with, their 'PA', or so she liked to call herself, was a complete bitch, and I was treated like shit by her badly! In the end I hated it so much, I found another job. Only problem was, when I gave in my resignation, she treated me 10 fold even worse, so after about the 2nd or 3rd day, I walked, telling them the new job asked me to start early. She never paid me for the last few days I worked the bitch!

The job I went to, was at the Reading Chronicle. Again, I was treated like shit there too. The girls I was working for, all young, all tall, thin, blonde, clique types, and all into Coronation Street. So everyday they would spend the day working, and talking about Coronation Street, make-up, and all things girly. Of course I had absolutely nothing in common with them, and so either i'd be ignored, or treated like shit (mainly ignored and isolated to be honest). The one day, the day my mum was having a Hysterectomy in the Royal Berks, they fired me. All the girls got together whispering that morning, when i'd come in really upset and worried about mum, and the head bitch walks into the bosses office, next thing I know, i'm being called in, and he's firing me! I was in such a state, crying my eyes out.

Then I got a job at a Pump company called SPP. There I met Tracy, probably the biggest bitch i'd met to date! From the moment I arrived (and she was the person directly above me, my trainer, my colleague etc) she started bullying me, and it went on for the entire 18 months I managed to stay there for. I had heard that everyone else who had had that job prior to me, had left because she was a right bully, but because she was the only person who could do her job in the company, and she did it so well, and they didn't wanna employ anyone else in the role, and spend time training them up etc, they let her get away with it, so I was bullied openly from day one. I got verbal insults thrown at me, I got called useless, crap, shit, you name it, I was called it, and not on the quiet, openly so I and everyone else could hear her. I hated her, but was such a shy person still, and so soft I didn't know what to do, and how to handle it. I used to go to the toilets everyday and cry my heart out, it was that bad, and I hated going to work. I was also working two jobs at that point, so was working a good 60 hours a week. I'd get up, get the early bus to work about 7am, and get home from my second job about 10pm, and go to bed, that was it! I was knackered, exhausted, and bullied to the point where i'd cry myself to sleep!

Eventually I managed to get out, and got a job at Comtel, which later became NTL. I wrote SPP a complaint letter, detailing how i'd been treated, and sent it to the head of that department. Not sure if anything ever came of it.

I was at Comtel/NTL for over 4 years, and loved it. Unfortunately when a bird called Elaine got a job there, things changed. She conned her way into becoming a Manager, (no previous experience, but pretended she had) and thought she was better than everyone else. At this stage I was becoming stronger as a person, and was beginning to fight back. I hated her with a passion, and her Manager, Sue was even worse. The pair of them together was a nightmare! I was forced out of the company in the end by their incessant bullying and teaming up against me, and finally got a job at Courage Brewery.

I went to a solicitor about the bullying and the way the company had treated me, but because Sue was buddies with the head of HR, she'd managed to fix it that a ton of false information had made its way onto my file, saying i'd done things I hadn't done, so I didn't have a leg to stand on. I've sort revenge ever since, but doubt i'll ever get it. These two are two more people I dislike with a passion. I believe that makes 5 now (including Tracy from SPP).

So then I moved to Courage Brewery, and life there was great, I loved it. There was a wee bit of bullying. I'd scored a team Leader job, over someone who had been working there longer than me, but the guy who was interviewing us hated the other person, so I got it over her purely because he didn't want her to have it lol. I didn't mind, looked good on the CV, and I got a decent pay packet for it. I enjoyed it too.

Then we were made redundent, so I used the redundency money to move up to Birmingham, that was 2002, and i've been there ever since!

During my time at SPP, I met my ex husband. I won't go into too much detail about him, because it's a subject I don't much like talking about, so i'll fluff over the details, and just say this guy beat me up on numerous occasions during the 2 year relationship, and treated me like shit. He bullied me constantly, and made me feel like a piece of scum. He also turned me into an angry person, because of what he put me through, and what I later discovered about him and his past. I hope he's dead, and out of all the people I hate, formentioned, he's the ONE PERSON I would happily, and without hesitation, stab repeatedly with a sharp knife. Those closest to me know the reasons why!

When I moved to Brum, I immediately started work in a company called HFC Bank, to which i'm still employed. I started there in 2002.

My time there was great, to begin with. When I started there, my first Manager was a tall thin bloke, whos name I can't remember, but let's just say he was the spitting image of Jeff Goldblum lol.

Then I got a perminant Manager in a lady called Julie, who had started in the company only a month before me. Julie and I didn't see eye to eye, and I felt she was bullying me, treating me unfairly, and putting too much pressure on me. I didn't like her management style, and I really disliked her as a Manager and as a person! I don't think she liked me much either
Unfortunately, the bird i'd been seeing at the time, for over 3 months, Maxine, had just dumped me, and I was distraught, so I ended up being off sick for a month. It had really upset me, to the point where I couldn't even work, believe it or not!

During that time I managed to speak to HR about my situation, and they moved me onto another team, run by a Manager called Steve, who for me has always stood out as my best and most favourite Manager at the bank, for the entire time i've worked there (and as I write this, i'm still employed by them). I love Steve to bits, he's the best! This is also where I met one of my now best mates, for the purposes of this post we'll call 'Crushed'.

For the record, Julie and I settled our differences, and soon became friends in the bank. We got on much better when we weren't working together, and she even allowed me to manage her team while she was off on holiday for a week at one point, which was great fun.

Changes happen in banks, and soon enough I was asked to join another team, because I was just that damn good at selling. So I moved to the TUDs team. I don't really recall being bullied too much there to be fair, I had occasional situations arise with certain colleagues such as Caroline and Andreas, not nothing I couldn't handle. They were both nobs to work with, but I managed to overcome that, and gave as good as I got. I think i'd got to a point, where I was now able and confident to answer back, and give as good as I got, to other people's annoyance lol.

There was one colleague, who I detested, and not many people actually liked anyway, and his name was Andy. He was the office dickhead, and that's an understatement. He's become a senior more times than i'd had hot dinners, but his attitude towards others meant he was constantly being demoted, he was that bad! He left eventually.

Life in TUDs went downhill, as far as i'm concerned, when my wonderful DM, Simon, got transferred, and I ended up with a new DM called Jamie. Things were never the same again, and I lost my umph then, so got transferred to the Head Office, to work in Customer Services. I never asked to be transferred, and was never given an option, I was just told it was that or you lose your job! I was not impressed!

So I ended up being forced to move jobs to HQ, and start working there!

While I was working in HQ, I met my ex wife, and moved to my new flat, where i'm writing this from now. The reasons why I decided to move were threefold:-

1. Downsize, cause I had a 3 bed end terrace, and two bedrooms were just full of junk and not being used.

2. The house was really old, and it was too much to maintain, I wanted something in a nicer area, and newer.

3. I was being bullied!

Yes, even at home I was being bullied! I was receiving taunts from the local kids, of ALL ages. Homophobic taunts. Threatening notes through my door, the kids throwing stones at my front door and windows, constantly ringing my door bell and banging on my front door, and running away when I answered, the neighbours kids two doors down breaking my back garden fence (they had access to my next door neighbours back garden, as they didn't have a fence) and throwing rotten apples, eggs and rubbish into my back garden, and at one point, the local kids shooting a pellet gun bullet through my livingroom window!!! I couldn't take anymore, so I put the place up for sale.

As it goes, when I left, the people who brought it from me, an Asian family, had their car window smashed in by a brick. Nice ah?

So I moved towns. I've lived here now since the end of 2005, and I loved it. However, it was never plain sailing.

Unfortunately I was bullied by my neighbour above me, Margaret, who still lives there, and is a complete bitch! She complains even when there is nothing to complain about! When I got Saffy, she complained constantly, but thankfully most of her complaints were overturned, to her annoyance. However, there was one thing she continued to complain about, and probably still does to this day, and that's Saffy's toilet habits!

She has this thing about Saffy relieving herself by my front door. I clean it up everytime, but she kept telling the people who own the land (we pay them ground rent) that I wasn't doing this, and that Saffy was doing it in the communial pathways etc, and she tried so hard to get an order on me, so that I had to either move, pay a fine, or get rid of the dog. Everytime I got a complaint letter from the ground rent folk, i'd call them or write back saying it was unjustified, but she just kept complaining. In the end they got sick of it all, so passed it onto the street wardens, and I never heard a thing again! lol. There was nothing they could do, because they regularly check, and they cannot justify the complaints, because there is never any mess out there. One up to me! (about time)

Then there was my neighbour next door, who's name I never got, thankfully. She was even worse, constantly conplaining about me. She was a right pain in the arse. I was so pleased when she moved. The guy I bought the flat off of, warned me about her. I think she was homophobic (he was also gay) and so resented me from day one. I was so pleased when she sold up.
Then there was the ex wife (well, she will be the ex when the divorce goes through early next year).

I know she reads this, so i'll no doubt get it in the neck from her if I ever see her again for this, but she bullied me also.

I could never do anything right in her eyes! I tried everything to please her, and it was never good enough. She reminds me of that Little Britain character in the wheelchair, where he always wants things, but isn't happy when he's got them.

It didn't matter where I took her, what we did, what I bought her, what we did together, it was never good enough, and she always had something to complain about, it was never good enough for her. So i'd always get it in the neck from her, always complaining, moaning, telling me off, picking holes in everything we did, everything I said, everywhere we went, everything I bought, it just was never good enough for her, and it drove me potty. In the end i'd tell her to shut the fuck up! I'd give up on it all. She expected me to be able to read her mind, to know exactly what she wanted, in detail, and give it to her in the way she wanted it, specifically. I think the only time she was ever bloody happy was when she was eating, and even then she'd always have something to moan about.

Her constant bullying and moaning brought my depression down, and made me a very angry and easily annoyed person. It also brought on anxiety attacks, because I was always just expecting her to start moaning again, and having a go at me, and so I was always on edge with her, nervous, anxious. It was a nightmare!

Going back to my employment, so I started working at HQ, and that was a nightmare in itself. I had so much pressure from Management to hit targets, from Scheduling to pick up calls (if you didn't take the next call within a max of 60 seconds they'd call you and bully you into taking the next call), and from the customers on the other end of the phone, who'd called to complain about god knows what! I hated it. Slowly the pressure got too much for me. I had the shit at home, and the shit at work, and I just exploded, which is why i've been off sick for over a year, and why i'm going through a divorce.

While I was in school, I was such a quiet, shy, happy, confident kid.

When I hit Secondary School, I wasn't happy, I was a quiet, shy, sad, unconfident kid.

Then when I hit employment, I was a quiet, shy, unconfident young woman.

Then I got married to my ex hubby, and I was a quiet, shy, unconfident, married woman.

Then I got divorced from him, and I became a not so quiet, not so shy, slightly confident, angry, sad, depressed woman.

Then I moved to Brum, and I became a loud, bold, confident, fun, outspoken, bubbly woman.

Now i'm a depressed, loud, angry, bold, anxious, scared, outspoken, weak, sad, sometimes confident, sometimes bubbly, sometimes fun, woman!

Being bullied all my life, physically and mentally, has made me the person I am today. I want to be a confident, fun, bubbly, outspoken, bold, loud woman again. I hope in time i'll become that person. I do feel stronger for the experiences i've had in life, but I also feel weaker for them as well. I hope in time i'll be able to overcome my problems and fears, and be sociable again, because i'm very much an antisocial person now, due to all this crap.

People who bully, are very lonely people indeed, who have no self worth. They obviously have some serious problems with themselves, or they wouldn't wanna cover these up by taking the piss out of other people, and belittling them! It's sad really, that even grown men and women have to resort to bullying others to make them feel good, because they're obviously worthless human beings in the first place, to have to resort to bullying others for their entertainment, and egos.

When I hear of people being bullied, or when i'm bullied myself, which still happens, and has been highly evident on UKM over the last few months, (yes i'm talking about you Ray, and your little group of friends!) I just think to myself, god, we're adults, why are people acting like this? It's sad, and I doubt it will ever end, but some people are just so immature, and worthless, that maybe this is the only way in life they get to feel some form of self worth! Who knows. Whatever the reasons, you have to feel sorry for those bullies really. To have to berate and belittle others for their own amusement and egos, they must feel pretty worthless and shit about their own lives to do it, even if they won't admit it!

When I hear about kids and teenagers committing, or attempting to commit suicide because they're bullied in school, it really upsets and angers me. This shouldn't be happening anymore. Since the beginning of time, people have been bullied, kids and adults alike, and it's just worsened as time has gone on. Now we have kids gOing to school with guns and knives, it's ridiculous.

I say it's time that ALL bullying was stopped, and people just started treating each other the way they wish to be treated themselves. People don't realise how being on the other end of the bully, being bullied, can fuck up their self esteem and life. Those who bully just don't care about the effects their bullying is having on the person they're bullying!

It's about time people stopped and took time to think about their actions!

TREAT OTHERS HOW YOU WISH TO BE TREATED.

DON'T BULLY, IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU THE BETTER PERSON, IF MAKES YOU THE WEAKER PERSON FOR DOING IT!

Vain 2 - An Explanation

2007-11-12T14:46:00.000Z

Ok so last night one of my ex's was messaging me about my Gay Marriage entry. I'd sent her, and numerous others, a link to it, from this Blog, which I set up, purely for those types of posts. I cross posted this entry from LiveJournal to there. I think she thought it was specific to her that i'd written it. (If this observation was wrong, then i'm sorry, but it was how I observed the conversation). I had to convey otherwise. It didn't bother me that she might have thought this to be honest, I found it quite humerous that she might have done to be fair. Needless to say, I advised her it was about my general thoughts and observations, and wasn't specific to anyone in particular.

The nature of the post actually came about after a conversation with someone i'd not seen in a good couple of years, and was in relation to his current circumstances, as a way to try and make him realise that time is more important than money, for money can pay for the wedding, but time will help you to realise whether the money needs to be spent in the first place for that occasion, and if you discover it doesn't need to be spent after all, then time is saving you a great deal of money and heartache.

Of course today I got abuse from the ex! She kept texting me slating me for the entry, saying it was all about her, and that our wedding was only a fad in my eyes, etc etc etc. Of course this wasn't how I portrayed, or meant to portray our wedding. I probably left it open for interpretation, but was trying to convey that 'maybe' it was, but then 'maybe' it wasn't. Needless to say she's given me hell for it today, which is all I needed!!!

This is the reason for my last post 'Vain'. Some people seem to think that every post I write is about them. This isn't the case! Just because you know me, and I know you, doesn't mean everything I write is about you! It's about ME and MY thoughts and feelings, about MY theories and beliefs. If people want to think i'm singling them out, and writing purely about them? Then they have some serious issues that need to be resolved, like EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD ISN'T ABOUT YOU, AND THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU!

Vain

2007-11-12T14:42:00.000Z

YOU'RE SO VAIN
YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS POST IS ABOUT YOU
YOU'RE SO VAIN
YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS POST IS ABOUT YOU
DON'T YOU?
DON'T YOU?
DON'T YOU?

Gay Marriage - Just a Fad?

2007-11-11T19:24:00.000Z

Before 5th December 2005, gay men and women couldn't get married to their partner. They could have a 'Blessing', but they couldn't legally actually get married. (A 'Blessing' was where you could arrange a ceremony, and ask a member of the Church to Bless your union, in front of your friends and family, or privately. It wasn't legal, but it was a similar type of ceremony that is now performed during Civil Partnerships/Gay Weddings).

Many gay couples didn't bother with a Blessing. They felt, if it wasn't the real thing, what's the point?

Others, you were together for years, and wanted desperately to get married, to have some form of an 'official' committment ceremony, had a Blessing. This was to show to their friends and family, and to each other, how committed they were to one another. Of course, this didn't mean by Law they were married, but they still referred to themselves as so. And why not?

I knew of one female couple, who went through the Blessing procedure, turned up pissed in white t-shirts and jeans, only to split up a few months later. I think they'd been together for less than a year when they did it. I don't know why they did it. Maybe for a laugh? Nothing better to do? A good idea for a piss-up? Who knows. Waste of time and money in my opinion, on that occasion anyway! They certainly didn't treat the occasion with the importance it deserved!

Then on 5th December 2005, the Law changed, and finally gay couples could get married. Of course it wasn't called a 'wedding' still, and still isn't today, it's referred to as a 'Civil" Partnership', but in the eyes of the Law and the gay community, it means the same thing!

Many couples, who had been together for years, could finally legally and officially, in the eyes of the Law, get married. One of the most famous gay couples to do this that very month, was Elton John and David Furnish, who had been together for 11 years prior to the Law being changed. And what a lovely couple they do indeed make.

As soon as this Law came in, many gay couples started to get married. Those who had been together for many years, were finally able to make their love for one another official in the eyes of the Law, and tie the knot. How wonderful and liberating this must have been for them, to finally be able to legally marry their partner, after being together for so many years.

However, many gay couples who hadn't been together very long, thought they'd jump on the bandwagon, and get married, because it was the 'thing to do', like wearing the latest fashion trend, or buying the latest car.

Also, after 5th December 2005, some gay men and women who began relationships, were very soon after getting engaged and making arrangements to marry, like it was 'the thing to do'! Like it was part of the process now.

What I mean by process, is that in the 'hetro' world, the process in adulthood is usually something like this:-
Meet a partner
Move in together
Get engaged
Get married
Buy a house of their own together
Have/Adopt kids (or get a pet if kids isn't possible)

The gay process seems to be the same, but 10 times quicker, for some unknown mad reason!

I don't think gay people realised this, or maybe they didn't want to admit it, that because we were legally 'allowed' to get married, it made them 'want' to get married, to experience the ceremony first hand, and to say ' We're Gay and We're Married!' even if they hadn't been with their partner long enough to even realise what a mistake that might be!

I, for one, got engaged to my partner within a couple of months of meeting, and a couple of months later the Law was changed, so we started making wedding plans. I was in love with her, so the engagement, although premature in the eyes of most, was what we both wanted. However, in hindsight, we should have waited a couple of years to get married, to get to know each other better etc, instead of rushing into it, because it was what 'we' wanted.

I always felt my partner wanted to get married to a woman, because it was a fad to her, because it was fashionable, the done thing, you're no-one until you've gotten married to a gay partner etc, in her eyes. She decided she was gay, after years of living with a man, and felt she wanted to shout it to the world that she was indeed now officially gay. And what better way than to actually get married to a gay woman?

Of course within a few months it fell apart. She was just to demanding. She tried to change me into the person she wanted to be with, and not being funny, but there isn't a person on the planet who can fit into the mould of the person she wants to be with, but she didn't see that, and still doesn't to this day, unfortunately!
We're now going through divorce.

Needless to say, we were one couple of many, who were indeed getting married just because we could. Many couples did it then, and are still doing it now. And like with my situation, one of the two is having to pay for the entire ceremony, because the other hasn't got any money, and because of the pressure of the other partner, you feel you HAVE to get married, or you'll lose them. Sad but true!

Of course this isn't the case with many couple. Those who have been together for years, who have chosen to get married, then good on you. Go for it! You've been together for that long, why shouldn't you go the extra mile, and officially commit yourself to your partner for life?

Those who haven't been together long enough, anyone who gets engaged, and wants to get married soon after, those who get engaged within a short time of meeting, under a year, then wants to get married within the next year, seriously think again. Are you doing it because you want to be together forever? Or are you doing it because it's what everyone else is doing, and you want to be one of the 'crowd'? One of the statistics? Because it's the 'in think' to do, and you want to get on the bandwagon and do it to?

Don't get me wrong, I still love my soon to be ex wife, and probably always will, but not so much as to want her back again, or want to rekindle the flame that once burned so vigourously. I meant it when I said 'I Do'. Unfortunately, it didn't work out, and if we had waited a while before tying the knot, and learning more about each other beforehand, we may have not made the mistakes we made.

I certainly don't forsee me ever getting married again, that's for sure! If I did, we'd have had be be together a LONG time before I went down that road again!!!

NEVER MARRY SOMEONE IF YOU'VE BEEN WITH THEM LESS THAN A YEAR AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ROCKY.

NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WHO CAN'T PAY TOWARDS THE WEDDING THEMSELVES, BECAUSE THEY'RE PROBABLY JUST AFTER YOU FOR YOUR MONEY (IN WHICH CASE, IF YOU DO WANNA MARRY THEM STILL, GET THEM TO SIGN A (PRE-NUPTIAL AGREEMENT) AND NEVER MARRY ANYONE JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL LEFT OUT, EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT, AND YOU WANT TO DO IT TOO!

YOU CANNOT GET DIVORCED UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED A YEAR, EVEN THROUGH A CIVIL PARTNERSHIP CEREMONY, AND THEY CAN STILL TAKE HALF YOUR BELONGINGS, AND YOUR HOME, BECAUSE YOU WERE MARRIED IN THE EYES OF THE LAW! BELIEVE ME, I KNOW!!!

Prudishness, and it's effects on your children!

2007-11-06T16:48:00.000Z

Some people have no sense of humour, i swear!

Out of everyone i send jokes to on Facebook, email and text, only one person has complained, because of swearing in the jokes, or rude pictures. I swear she's a fucking square. I think she thinks she's the Virgin fucking Mary. She's like 50 years older than her age, such a prune. I do hope her kids don't turn out like her, and if they do as they're growing up, they'll soon rebel, because no matter how strict you are with kids, in this day and age, with everyone else around swearing, and being crude, she seriously can't expect her own kids to be as prudish as she is.

One of my cousins is a goth, which i'm not surprised about considering her mum filled her childhood with fluffy pink and dolls, and was very prudish too. People who are prudish with their kids and life, will end up having rebelious children, into drink, drugs and kinkiness.

I've seen it oh so often, especially with a few of the people i know, including one of my best friends, whos parents are very prudish and 'upper class'. He's into all of the above! He's not the only person I know like that too.

People don't realise you can't protect your kids from the evils of this world however much you want to. And if you do, they'll never be able to cope with the bad things that happen in this world. For instance, I spent my whole school life and a lot of my adult life being bullied, and I couldn't cope with that. I was wrapped in cotton wool as a kid (I don't blame my parents for that) and because of that, I couldn't cope with the struggles of life, of bad people, bullying etc. So now, I have rebelled, and I give as good as I get! But if I had known how to do that as a child, I would have probably been a stronger person, more able to cope with life's problems.

And now i've just realised i've gone from one topic, to 2 others, and i'm not sure if they follow on lol. Okay let me think...

Being prudish about swearing and jokes, when you probably swear and are rude privately anyway, the general prudishness, will rub off on your kids, and will affect them in one way or another as they grow up, because being dismissive of the way others are and the attitude of others around you will not help to educate your children in the reality that they will grow up in, therefore when they do realise what the world they live in is actually like, it'll hit them like a ton of bricks, and they could rebel to enjoy the sins of the earth, because they'd been hidden from it, and want to experiment in all they have not been allowed to have knowledge about, or they could just be as stuck up and prudish as their parents, which will pass these problems onto their own children, and the pattern could continue!

I have no idea what i've just blabbed on about, but whatever i've said, it's obviously how i feel, and this is my journal, my opinions, and if others choose to read them, and be offended, then on their own head be it, but i'm just voicing my opinions at the end of the day, which i'm allowed to do!

End of! Rant over! Moving on...

LOTR v HP

2007-11-06T16:35:00.000Z

Ever noticed the resemblences between Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter?

For instance..

Scary huh?

God/Jesus

2007-11-06T15:57:00.000Z

Is JK Rowling a reincarnation?

I ask, because to me, the Bible is as believable as Harry Potter and the ... (add title here)

Not being funny, but I really don't believe in the Bible, God or Jesus!

If there was a God, or a Jesus, in my opinion, there would not be all the war, hate, cancer, sickness, poverty, murder, or premature death that there is in the world. I just don't believe there is a God or a Jesus, of whatever description, looking down on us, and letting all this happen, sitting back and watching, and not doing anything to resolve all the aformentioned issues.

Don't get me wrong, if you want to believe there is a God, or a Jesus, please do so, it's no skin off my nose, but personally I think it's a pile of smelly poo!

The God that all Christian/Catholic believers believe in, is a white male, with a big white/grey beard, and white/grey hair. An elderly man.

Santa Claus without the red outfit perhaps?

Or maybe even Dumbledore from Harry Potter?

Then there are the other Gods other religions believe to be the rightful Lord.

The Hindu God...

The Orthadox Church God...

The Indian God...

Or the Egyptian God...

...To name but a few.

There are so many different types of 'Jesus' as well. Who is to say, if there was a true Jesus, which one it would be?

Their is the one more traditionally known of in Christian/Catholic Church circles. A white man with a brown beard and moustache.

Or what about this one, with a more ethnic look?

Or many a black Jesus...

Who can honestly say what this man looked like, if he even ever existed? There is no evidence that he did, apart from a book, which claims all manner of miracles which just are not possible unless they are all fictional miracles, in the land of fantasy, where anything can happen.

Everyone thinks their God is the rightful one, yet who is to say who really is God? Maybe there isn't a God after all? Maybe it was just all a story, moral codes, written by a family of people, to entice their children into growing up to be good wholesome people, and not horrible 'evil' people, as are those who 'break the codes of the 10 Commandments'?

You could look at the Bible, as all the Harry Potter stories put together. Ie, Jesus is Harry Potter, God is Dumbledore. The Disciples are all Harry's friends, family, and 'Dumbledores Army/Order of the Phoenix' members, and the non believers are the Muggles. Then you have the devil of the story, which is Voldermort, and his disciples, the Death Eaters. Ok so the plots are different, but then we are talking a good 2000 years later, and times have changed!!!

It sounds like rubbish to those who don't believe, but think about it, why not? The Bible is as ficticious as Harry Potter in my opinion, only more kids are interested in Harry Potter these days than in the Bible. More kids all over the world believe more in the stories of Harry Potter, than they would the Bible stories, so why not just make the Harry Potter stories the new Bible. At least Harry and Dumbledore's appearances won't differ all over the world. Like the Bible, these characters are all ficticious, yet unlike the Bible, they're more enjoyable to read about!!!