Gay Marriage - Just a Fad?

Before 5th December 2005, gay men and women couldn't get married to their partner. They could have a 'Blessing', but they couldn't legally actually get married. (A 'Blessing' was where you could arrange a ceremony, and ask a member of the Church to Bless your union, in front of your friends and family, or privately. It wasn't legal, but it was a similar type of ceremony that is now performed during Civil Partnerships/Gay Weddings).

Many gay couples didn't bother with a Blessing. They felt, if it wasn't the real thing, what's the point?

Others, you were together for years, and wanted desperately to get married, to have some form of an 'official' committment ceremony, had a Blessing. This was to show to their friends and family, and to each other, how committed they were to one another. Of course, this didn't mean by Law they were married, but they still referred to themselves as so. And why not?



I knew of one female couple, who went through the Blessing procedure, turned up pissed in white t-shirts and jeans, only to split up a few months later. I think they'd been together for less than a year when they did it. I don't know why they did it. Maybe for a laugh? Nothing better to do? A good idea for a piss-up? Who knows. Waste of time and money in my opinion, on that occasion anyway! They certainly didn't treat the occasion with the importance it deserved!

Then on 5th December 2005, the Law changed, and finally gay couples could get married. Of course it wasn't called a 'wedding' still, and still isn't today, it's referred to as a 'Civil" Partnership', but in the eyes of the Law and the gay community, it means the same thing!

Many couples, who had been together for years, could finally legally and officially, in the eyes of the Law, get married. One of the most famous gay couples to do this that very month, was Elton John and David Furnish, who had been together for 11 years prior to the Law being changed. And what a lovely couple they do indeed make.



As soon as this Law came in, many gay couples started to get married. Those who had been together for many years, were finally able to make their love for one another official in the eyes of the Law, and tie the knot. How wonderful and liberating this must have been for them, to finally be able to legally marry their partner, after being together for so many years.



However, many gay couples who hadn't been together very long, thought they'd jump on the bandwagon, and get married, because it was the 'thing to do', like wearing the latest fashion trend, or buying the latest car.



Also, after 5th December 2005, some gay men and women who began relationships, were very soon after getting engaged and making arrangements to marry, like it was 'the thing to do'! Like it was part of the process now.

What I mean by process, is that in the 'hetro' world, the process in adulthood is usually something like this:-
Meet a partner
Move in together
Get engaged
Get married
Buy a house of their own together
Have/Adopt kids (or get a pet if kids isn't possible)

The gay process seems to be the same, but 10 times quicker, for some unknown mad reason!

I don't think gay people realised this, or maybe they didn't want to admit it, that because we were legally 'allowed' to get married, it made them 'want' to get married, to experience the ceremony first hand, and to say ' We're Gay and We're Married!' even if they hadn't been with their partner long enough to even realise what a mistake that might be!

I, for one, got engaged to my partner within a couple of months of meeting, and a couple of months later the Law was changed, so we started making wedding plans. I was in love with her, so the engagement, although premature in the eyes of most, was what we both wanted. However, in hindsight, we should have waited a couple of years to get married, to get to know each other better etc, instead of rushing into it, because it was what 'we' wanted.



I always felt my partner wanted to get married to a woman, because it was a fad to her, because it was fashionable, the done thing, you're no-one until you've gotten married to a gay partner etc, in her eyes. She decided she was gay, after years of living with a man, and felt she wanted to shout it to the world that she was indeed now officially gay. And what better way than to actually get married to a gay woman?



Of course within a few months it fell apart. She was just to demanding. She tried to change me into the person she wanted to be with, and not being funny, but there isn't a person on the planet who can fit into the mould of the person she wants to be with, but she didn't see that, and still doesn't to this day, unfortunately!
We're now going through divorce.



Needless to say, we were one couple of many, who were indeed getting married just because we could. Many couples did it then, and are still doing it now. And like with my situation, one of the two is having to pay for the entire ceremony, because the other hasn't got any money, and because of the pressure of the other partner, you feel you HAVE to get married, or you'll lose them. Sad but true!



Of course this isn't the case with many couple. Those who have been together for years, who have chosen to get married, then good on you. Go for it! You've been together for that long, why shouldn't you go the extra mile, and officially commit yourself to your partner for life?

Those who haven't been together long enough, anyone who gets engaged, and wants to get married soon after, those who get engaged within a short time of meeting, under a year, then wants to get married within the next year, seriously think again. Are you doing it because you want to be together forever? Or are you doing it because it's what everyone else is doing, and you want to be one of the 'crowd'? One of the statistics? Because it's the 'in think' to do, and you want to get on the bandwagon and do it to?

Don't get me wrong, I still love my soon to be ex wife, and probably always will, but not so much as to want her back again, or want to rekindle the flame that once burned so vigourously. I meant it when I said 'I Do'. Unfortunately, it didn't work out, and if we had waited a while before tying the knot, and learning more about each other beforehand, we may have not made the mistakes we made.

I certainly don't forsee me ever getting married again, that's for sure! If I did, we'd have had be be together a LONG time before I went down that road again!!!



NEVER MARRY SOMEONE IF YOU'VE BEEN WITH THEM LESS THAN A YEAR AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ROCKY.

NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WHO CAN'T PAY TOWARDS THE WEDDING THEMSELVES, BECAUSE THEY'RE PROBABLY JUST AFTER YOU FOR YOUR MONEY (IN WHICH CASE, IF YOU DO WANNA MARRY THEM STILL, GET THEM TO SIGN A (PRE-NUPTIAL AGREEMENT) AND NEVER MARRY ANYONE JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL LEFT OUT, EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT, AND YOU WANT TO DO IT TOO!

YOU CANNOT GET DIVORCED UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED A YEAR, EVEN THROUGH A CIVIL PARTNERSHIP CEREMONY, AND THEY CAN STILL TAKE HALF YOUR BELONGINGS, AND YOUR HOME, BECAUSE YOU WERE MARRIED IN THE EYES OF THE LAW! BELIEVE ME, I KNOW!!!